Just one more lb until I'm not "obese" anymore!
Thursday, May 05, 2011
I woke up this morning feeling really down on myself. Like really down. : /
I'm about to have an unwanted friend visit me, and it's messing up my motivation. Not just that, but all those frustrated feelings that overwhelm you when you don't do well.. that's what's happening this morning. I was up early with Anthony at 5ish. Packed his lunch and helped him get out of the house. I let Layla out to go potty, and put on some coffee since my roommate was bound to get up anytime for work. Besides feeling a lil under the weather (not from being sick obv, just not my normal self) I was doing ok. Then, I weighed myself.. I GAINED 3lbs. W.t.f. How the heck does that happen? I've been eating a pretty low cal diet with little carbs, so I haven't been hitting the gym as much as I normally do. I was trying to change up the way I was eating to see if I could break through the plateau I was at. (I struggled for 3 weeks going back and forth between 214 and 210, only getting below 210 one time. It was torture!) Lowering my carb and fat intake helped me break through where I was at and I got down to 203lbs. FINALLY!
Then.. it's time for my p to come. (I know, sorry guys.. but.. it's natural? lol) and the pms that goes along with it has slowed me down tremendously. Well, between that and my diet. I haven't had much energy and I seem to not be able to get enough sleep. I've been crazy tired. I haven't given into ANY cravings for chocolate or fatty foods at all. It's crazy. I'm GOING crazy because of it. One thing I did do was inhale peanut butter. Not SUPER bad, but maybe just sweet enough to get me by. I wanted something sweet SO BAD, but I didn't/don't want to give in because I know once I do it's over.. and honestly, I'm strong enough to get through. I've proved that. It's just a matter of not letting it control me. I know that, I do.
So in the midst of feeling this way and going back to bed and crying with an episode of "I Used to be Fat" playing in the background, I get up and by then my roommate is up and she asked me if I were feeling better and I tell her how I'm doing and she (with an understanding of my body type and the difference between her lil 125lbs and my not-so-little 203lbs) helped me get out of my rut even if it was for that first 30 secs. I felt some what "normal" again, but then I am still 3lbs heavier then I was 2 days ago. However that happened. And it all comes back to me. I feel like crap. My head hurts from stressing and I'm pretty plump because on top of everything.. I'm bloated. Blah.
So, in my fight against crawling back in bed a 3rd time.. I get online and I check my email, horoscope, facebook, sparkpage.. and then I start reading on BMI and all that (again, because I can prob tell you about it from memory) and I realized that I am 1 POUND away from being in the "overweight" category instead of the "Obese" one. The overweight numbers for my height: 5'9 is 169lbs-202lbs. It's crazy to me how 169lbs is considered overweight because I rem being 167 and I didn't feel or look overweight. AND I know the bmi's aren't always the most accurate, but just knowing that I am 1lb away from not being obese anymore gave me the lil glimmer of hope I needed. I still feel like poo, but I know it's only temporary and the fight for a healthy life/body and ultimately a healthy pregnancy is right around the corner :) I mean I've lost 19lbs since February and I have always given up at 3 weeks or so. Well, it's been almost 3 MONTHS! I know that's a victory in itself.. and I have to keep reminding myself of that constantly.
Now, it's back to the grind. I've gotta keep pluggin along or I won't get anywhere. I know as long as I keep going I'm on my way there.
AND.. just for the record.. I'm not usually this "down on myself". I promise my future blogs won't be so depressing. lol!! =)