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Panic, fear, resentment and food take over

Monday, May 09, 2011


I lost my job. Those words have been haunting me for the last 11 days. No matter how many times I keep being told, it wasn't your fault, I keep coming back to those four nasty words. I was out of work for 30 mins and I had my first offer of employment, it was short lived when the company found out I wasn't willing to relocate to the US. A second company came forward but there are no openings and wanted to know if they could check back with me.

I tried to write my resume and as I put down all my accomplishments it kept coming back to me. I lost my job. How do I tell prospective employers I am amazing if my last company wasn't willing to spend the money to keep me? I buried the feelings with icecream.

I tried again and as I put down the words I increased sales on my teams from $250,000 to $1,000,000 in 14 months it came up again. I did that. I made the company a @(% of money and for that, I lost my job. I buried the feelings with cookies and take out.

I put down the training materials that I designed that identify not only sales needs but cultural differences that need to be taken into account. I thought of the people that I have worked with and how they called me the momanger. It made me sad so I ate buttered popcorn and drank rootbeer.

I gave up trying to write my resume and told myself, take a week off, unwind. Each day moments of panic came sweeping in and they were calmed with sandwiches, burgers, pie, cake and chips. The panic attacks were starting to be replaced by heartburn, shortness of breath and tight jeans.

I went camping, I love camping and it was decided by my family that I needed to remove myself from the computer. I panted as I put up the tent, sweated while I chopped wood and rewarded myself with chicken, potato salad and cheesecake.

Yesterday all the kids came over for dinner. By the time dinner was ready I wasn't hungry since I had grazed all day, but I hadn't thought about my job once. I still ate dinner. I ate dessert and I ate until I went to bed.

This morning I got up and as I stood in the shower I thought. I have so much resentment, I have hate in my world and how can I move forward with hate holding me back. I got out of the shower, I talked to my husband, I worked on my resume and I cleaned. I think I'm going to be ok.

I am very proud of the accomplishments I made in my last job, I worked very hard and I know I was successful. When I put it on paper and look at what I did it's a little scary. But I have the numbers to back it up, I have the training manuals that I have spent years creating and somewhere out there is a job waiting for me.

In the meanwhile I am up 8 pounds and I need to take that off. My pants are so tight and I was too heavy to go ziplining.

Time to put down the whip cream and pick up the gym pass.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MINIDRIVER63
    My best strategies for surviving temporary unemployment:

    1. Get up every day at your normal time. Shower, have breakfast.
    2. Get dressed. Maybe not professional attire but at least business casual. Put on shoes (this is important!). Do your hair and make-up. Be ready to start your day at your normal work time.
    3. Assign tasks to the day. Make a checklist of things you want to accomplish. Be specific. Check items off as you do them.
    4. Dedicate a specific amount of time to your job search. Stick to your schedule.
    5. Make at least 3 calls (not emails) to connect with old co-workers, former bosses, and friends. Network! Ask if they know about any job openings. Ask for names of people you can call.
    6. Leave the house. This is one of the most important to me. Leave the house, even if it's just to run to the library or grocery store.
    7. Exercise for at least a half-hour. You don't have the excuse of not having time!
    8. Take off at the end of your "work day" and relax. Put all your troubles on the back burner. Pick up a book, turn on the tv, put in a movie... whatever it takes to relax.
    Hugs.
    3739 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8158758
    So Sorry you lost your job. I worked at a job that did some downsizing and got rid of a whole dept. Farmed out the claims processing to another company to save money. So, I know what you are going through. The company they farmed out to took me and 5 others of us to help with putting all the information on their system and promised to keep us on even after that. Well, guess what after a month, they let me go and 3 of the others. Talk about a bummer! But, with your credentials and experience you will find a job! I found another job within a month and after that one didn't work out-hated it-I left the workforce and stayed home and that was 18 years ago. Haven't looked back and I now know that those 2 companies did me a favor! Now that I have found SP- I have plenty of time to spark! Hang in there!
    Take the down time to focus on exercise and getting healthy! emoticon
    3740 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/10/2011 4:10:47 AM
  • LOREN009
    First off - your accomplishments are impressive! I'm sorry I can't do more than that to help. I haven't been in a similar situation but fear it almost daily. The business world is cold, but it's hard not to take it personally I'm sure. Someday, you may look back on this and see some positive to it. Maybe this is the start of a new relationship with food? If nothing else, I hope you find blogging as a source of support.

    Good luck and best wishes!
    3740 days ago
  • HOPEFULHIPPO
    that's the spirit. I am sorry about your job, but this to shall pass.

    Did you go camping by yourself? I want to take my family camping...I'm thinking Santa Cruz....time is our big issue.
    3740 days ago
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