I weighed myself today.
I haven't weighed myself since I went to the doctor in February. I knew that I was making progress, and that's all I cared about. The idea of weighing myself and focusing on numbers really scared me because I didn't want to put value on what I was doing based on pounds. A huge part of my downfall in the past has been giving in to my Obsessive Compulsive nature (yes, I'm diagnosed OCD), and feeling the "success or failure" thing, instead of the "you're doing your best" thing. In the past, if I gained a few lbs (even during my cycle), or if I didn't lose for a week or two, I would get really discouraged. I would make big sweeping statements like "no more soda!" or "I will never eat a carb again!" or "I will stick to 1600 calories a day period, forever until I am the size I want to be!" Obviously, that didn't work for me, because with my obsessive nature if I fail at all, its ruined and I give up.
This time around I had kept telling myself that even if it was only a 5 lb difference, it meant something really special because it meant that I was getting healthier, and that I was moving in the right direction. Still, I didn't allow myself to weigh because the idea of falling back into that obsessive habit and then undermining myself was always looming at the back of my mind. I was trying to keep numbers out of my focus, so my focus would be on my *health.* I wanted the value to be found in the way I was feeling, and the change I could see in the mirror (not on the scale), slowly but surely.
I can't tell you how much that has helped my mindset this time around. It let me feel less pressure, like there was nothing and no one that I had to prove something to, and that the only thing that mattered was how I was feeling, and knowing that I was making better choices for ME. That also allowed me to focus on each individual choice. It worked.
I weighed in today, and I did see a drop on the scale. I figured I would see something small, just to show that in fact I had made progress. I had even started to tell myself that I hadn't lost as much weight as I thought I may have (though I didn't dare even think a number), and that my clothes were only fitting looser because they were stretching out.
Weighing in today was proof to me that what I am doing is working. Weighing in showed me that I don't have to be a scale nazi to make progress. It showed me that I am strong enough and smart enough to make good choices that better my health without tearing myself down for every fluctuation. It showed me that for me, NOT weighing in made all the difference.
So, that said, I am not going to weigh in again until October, unless I go to the doctor. 4 months again. I bought a scale, and I am going to put it in our storage unit, only to be pulled out to weigh once, around my hubby's & best friend's birthdays (Oct 24).
Okay.... you ready for the numbers? Since my journey began with weight loss, I am down 28 lbs!!! *28* lbs!!! That's a LOT!!!!!! Its the most I have EVER lost while trying to lose weight. I have been lighter than this, but I have never gone down in my weight so much before.
I know I've posted a picture of the 5 lb "pet fat" before, but to put it in perspective, 28 lbs is 5 and a half of these bad boys GONE from my body:
Think about shoving 5 (almost 6) of those bad boys in your shirt and your pants and you realize what a difference it makes. That is SO much bulk.
It also makes me realize that I am EXACTLY 25% of the way toward my goal!! I lost more than 10% of my body weight, too. My BMI went from 43 to 38.73, moving me from Class III Obese, to Class II. I've lost 6 pant sizes. :)
I'm so freaking happy I could squeal right now. :)