Not a nice blog, just needed to vent on how terrible a person I am
Monday, October 10, 2011
I feel like utter rubbish... no, less than rubbish, I feel like the bacteria on the rubbish. And it’s all due to jealousy... of my best friend.
Me and my friend have always been the same. Both of us were overweight in school, never had boyfriends and were always close. Alway there for eachother, always there to make eachother smile. After college we still kept in contact, and are still close. Then the financial crisis hit, and we’ve supported each other through it. She and I didn’t have a job, still no boyfriend, both still live at home, feeling the same (behind in the rat race they call life). Then things started to change: within the last three weeks, she’s found herself a permanent full time job, new social life and now she’s met someone. All of a sudden our relationship status on Facebook changed (we had it on married so we didn’t feel so lonely), with her new boyfriend emailing me saying she’s divorced me and he’s with her (I know it’s a joke, but a bit of a surprise). All of a sudden there’s pics all over Facebook of them and with our old friends (none of whom talk to me), all talking via status’s. My first reaction was amazement and pure happiness for her, then I started feeling jealous, then anger, then sadness. Now alone... We were always alone together. Her life is speeding along, and I’m still stuck at home, with no job, no other ‘special’ someone in my life and my only social life is at the gym 3 times a week, because I cannot afford ANYTHING else. Right now, I am so unhappy... and I HATE myself for feeling like this. If I was her best friend I wouldn’t FEEL like this! I’d be revelling in HER HAPPINESS!
I know things in my life could be far worse, I’m lucky compared to others who have real problems. But when are things going to get better? Not perfect, just better. A job, money, friends, a boyfriend of my own? I’m even struggling to lose weight. I feel so alone.