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Not a nice blog, just needed to vent on how terrible a person I am

Monday, October 10, 2011

I feel like utter rubbish... no, less than rubbish, I feel like the bacteria on the rubbish. And it’s all due to jealousy... of my best friend.

Me and my friend have always been the same. Both of us were overweight in school, never had boyfriends and were always close. Alway there for eachother, always there to make eachother smile. After college we still kept in contact, and are still close. Then the financial crisis hit, and we’ve supported each other through it. She and I didn’t have a job, still no boyfriend, both still live at home, feeling the same (behind in the rat race they call life). Then things started to change: within the last three weeks, she’s found herself a permanent full time job, new social life and now she’s met someone. All of a sudden our relationship status on Facebook changed (we had it on married so we didn’t feel so lonely), with her new boyfriend emailing me saying she’s divorced me and he’s with her (I know it’s a joke, but a bit of a surprise). All of a sudden there’s pics all over Facebook of them and with our old friends (none of whom talk to me), all talking via status’s. My first reaction was amazement and pure happiness for her, then I started feeling jealous, then anger, then sadness. Now alone... We were always alone together. Her life is speeding along, and I’m still stuck at home, with no job, no other ‘special’ someone in my life and my only social life is at the gym 3 times a week, because I cannot afford ANYTHING else. Right now, I am so unhappy... and I HATE myself for feeling like this. If I was her best friend I wouldn’t FEEL like this! I’d be revelling in HER HAPPINESS!

I know things in my life could be far worse, I’m lucky compared to others who have real problems. But when are things going to get better? Not perfect, just better. A job, money, friends, a boyfriend of my own? I’m even struggling to lose weight. I feel so alone.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TTLEELEE
    Yup! Yup! Work it OUT! Internally and at the gym. It takes a big heart and strong mind to look those tough feelings in the face, own them, and then deal with them.
    Now get yourself back to good 'n' happy Lady!! emoticon
    3573 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    Dont feel bad x

    Have you ever tried anything like online dating?

    OKCupid is free and I had BAGS of fun meeting people off there... and now, the man Im with, just moved in with, plan to be with forever... I met on OKCupid!
    3575 days ago
  • SNUZSUZ
    My prayers are with you.
    3575 days ago
  • SHREKWARD
    What can I say?
    Many years ago I had a friend, we played Rugby together and spent many hours tinkering with motorbikes and riding them.
    No time for women, or so we thought!
    I met my first wife and things changed. I suppose he felt on the outside, cast off, betrayed. Where was his friend now he (I) had "more" interesting things to do.
    I never really thought too much about it then, the fact I should have made time for both of them, and not just the future wife.
    Fast forward several years.
    I now have no job, divorced,have both mental as well as physical health problems. NO FRIENDS! (except here of course!)
    Whats my friend doing? He's married, got children and got his own business, big car and successful with spade loads of friends and colleagues.
    Does he ever remember me? Yes of course and always looks out for me whenever he's around. He IS a FRIEND!

    What I'm saying is that things change, and change when we want to make it happen.
    I am guilty of late of wallowing in my own self pity but, now it's time for me to stand tall again and make a stand and win back my self esteem.
    You too can.
    Don't worry that you can't get a job or boyfriend just now, the job piece is something you have to work at to find a position, but boyfriend and love, well that can happen in the most unusual places at times you may never think would happen.
    Take pride in yourself, both visually and mentally, that way you'll portray a person who is attractive in more ways than you can think possible at the present time.

    I don't venture out much and therefore have very little opportunity of meeting people, but make yourself go out, even if it's to walk around a shop (not even to buy) You may surprise yourself and meet someone who could be a friend or even better!
    3575 days ago
  • PATJ7084
    We all feel lonely at times even when there are lots of people around. Please take heart, you are NOT rubbish, you are a valuable human being. Be happy for your friend, bless her with love and most of all LOVE yourself. emoticon
    3575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9954196
    I agree with the other posters...use all that emotion as FUEL! You deserve all the good things in life you want, now go out there and make it happen! You are in charge of your own happiness and destiny!

    P.S. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
    emoticon
    3575 days ago
  • HDHAWK
    I agree with the advice above. Get out and meet new people. Even walking at the mall, in a bookstore, or at the gym may help you make new connections. All the best!
    3575 days ago
  • ADVENTURESEEKER
    Give 'er hell at the gym! The endorphins will help. Have you thought of upping the number of times a week you are going? Jealousy sucks. Hang in there *hugs* emoticon emoticon
    3575 days ago
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