"Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I know, I'm back!
Where do I even start? The end of summer was a roller coaster that I never intend on riding again. I was definitely the victim of a toxic situation, and I hate to admit it, but I let my situation get the best of me. In my defense, a lot of things happened that kept me from focusing on, and taking the time to, continue working out religiously. But that's in the past once more, and I'm more than ready to get back on the wagon.
I'm back in Boston in school, so I'm fully prepared to do the gym thing (I live right next to it, and I've been here over a month without going once...until today!) and eat healthy. I literally have all of the tools right in front of my face, but it's up to me to put them to their full use. I still want to lose 100 lbs by next July, and it's still within reach if I just keep my focus.
CJ visited me for fall break this weekend, and it was a great time. I realized something hilariously scary though. He came here, and suddenly I found myself grabbing 5-6 plates of food in the dining hall to keep up with his eating. We bond over food! I mean we love it. And he's skinny as a rail, can't gain weight faster than maybe 5 lbs a year. It's not for a lack of trying, either. I cringe when I see how much he can put away, and just be satiated. I've come to accept that we are definitely not the same people as far as our metabolism goes, and that's okay. It's about learning my own limits and sticking to them.
Yesterday after he left, I was supposed to go to the gym at night. I was so tired from the night because dorm beds are small and cramped and two people would not fit comfortably when it's hot lol. So basically no quality sleep and I was running on E all day. I ended up promising myself to go to bed early and wake up at 6:30 before class to hit the gym. So hit the gym I did :) I won't lie, I looked at the clock and thought, "I could just turn over...and go back to sleep, easy." The easy route is what is keeping me fat! The easy route is what MADE me fat. And I'm still the done girl. Done being overweight, done not fitting into my clothes. Done seeing my stretch marks emphasized under a pudgy belly. Done being able to flap my arms and feel like I may be able to fly away. I'm over it all, and I'm in the perfect position to make this change right here and right now. I just have to stick to it and not let circumstances be the deciding factor of if I succeed.
My 20th birthday is Friday, and I made the promise to myself that I will not allow myself to hit 21 without being under 180 lbs. I promised myself that I wouldn't let 200+ be the number that defined me. I don't believe in a broken promise.