My name is Linda..........
Monday, January 02, 2012
.....and I'm addicted to food. The positive thing about that is that, of all the addictions to have, it's at least legal. As I thought about all the *other* things I could have put as "positives" I began to realize that, like any addiction, no matter how you try to paint it, it's destructive. Hang on and try to follow my logic....
1. "Food doesn't alter your level of consciousness". I beg to differ. How many times after overindulging have I become so sleepy that all I want to do is take a very long nap somewhere? Does it slur my speech or alter my vision? Not until I'm nodding off to sleep. And that sleepiness doesn't have any respect for the fact that I might be headed back to work..........
2. "Food isn't destructive". Hoo boy............. oh, but it is! I didn't realize this growing up, and every time I slip off the wagon and indulge, as I have been this past month plus, it hits home more and more. Food destroys my self-esteem, waylays my goals, and how I see myself. All the wrong foods eaten for all the wrong reasons makes me grow larger and larger, and that IS destructive. My health suffers tremendously...........physica
lly and emotionally. I look at myself not as the strong person others seem to see, but as a weak-willed person who just can't seem to get it right. I mean, really - if I can't control something as "simple" as food, what makes me think I can control or do a good job at anything else?
3. "You have to have food to survive." Yes.......you must have food to live. But eating properly to live and enjoy life is totally different than eating food to survive.......using it at a crutch or a soother for all the wrongs / stress I am feeling at the moment. There's a difference between "living" and "surviving".
4. "Food is easier to control than, say, smoking or alcohol use." I've told myself this over and over and over again. That's why I've been battling the chubbies since I was a teenager! Just keep telling yourself this, Linda.........especially since you got on the scale this morning........yep. You've sure got this addiction by the tail, don't you?!
You see where I'm going with this......? For every "reason" I can conjure up to tell myself that food isn't a terrible demon addiction, I can come up with the reasons that it certainly can be. As with any addiction, what it comes down to is *my* ability to overcome *my* need to use food in ways it wasn't meant to be used.
All this pondering WAS brought about by my stepping on the scale this morning, admittedly for the first time since I don't know when........ and seeing the number on the scale match the one in my head that I figured it would show. So, rather than bashing myself - since *that's* been productive in the past......( ! )......... here's what I'm taking away from my visit with Mr. Scale today:
1. I'm still 12 lbs. lighter than I was a year ago.
2. I'm catching myself a bit earlier in my self-destruction this time.
3. I'm starting to really reason it all out and change my thought processes rather than thinking "diet". This *isn't* a diet. It's got to become a way of life. How many times have I read that? How many times have I preached that to myself? Many, many, many of course. The trick is.......imbedding that in my brain.
Today, right now, it's crystal clear. Today, right now, I'm back to being committed to my health. Today, right now, I realize that all those things I've written are **excuses**............I use a lot of those to justify my hitting the cabinet when things are going badly.
No excuses. No more. At least for today. One day at a time, right?
My name is Linda, and I'm a food addict........................