Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I'm trying to keep true to writing in this whenever I get some free time, so here I am!
The week has been going well; I slipped a bit last night and had some crab rangoon (BAAAD, fried AND shellfish) so I was pretty annoyed with myself. But I did realize it only went over my calories by about 100. I worked out too, and this morning I still lost .6 lbs. I think the key to this is not being so hard on myself. I'm not perfect, I might mess up when I try not to. I can't eat a cracker a day and feel good. I know the fried food isn't good though, so that was a one time for a long time hit. My school WOULD have asian night randomly with foods they NEVER put out. That's a part of the journey, though. Knowing that I can go to a party where there will be chips and dip, but still seeking out the fruit and veggie plates will be the biggest test.
Like I said, I'm proud to know I've lost a bit of weight since the weekend. I'm smaller than before I came to college. I started this year at 246. How horrendous! But now I'm 231.4 and I'm excited about that. Once I make it down to 220, I will cry. That's the weight I was when I broke up with my first love, and I am SO ready to shed that part of my life too. I'm connecting my weight to layers of my life, it's pretty interesting. The fact that I can remember events in accordance with my weight reminds me how long I've struggled, and how much I don't want to do that anymore. I've always been staring at the scale. I was 190 when Chris and I first got together, high school freshman year. If I can be back down to that by summer, I would cry! It's very possible, considering that means I have 4 months to lose 40 lbs. If I REALLY stick to it, it's possible. It's a little over 2 a week, but I know that because I'm so overweight, that isn't so crazy to attempt. And it will be done healthfully too. It would be so nice to shed the weight of the past. It was a great relationship, but I just want to start something new, start fresh. Not with someone else right now, but with myself. I want to have me back.