Monday, May 07, 2012
I decided for no particular reason that today would be a good day to write a blog entry, and I was surprised to see my own experience, weakness and hope waiting from me in the form of blogs from 2010.
Two years ago, I'd started a 12-step program, worked out regularly and decluttered my house. I was struggling but working hard to maintain a 45 pound weight loss.
Two years later, I have re-gained 21 pounds, been working with a nutritionist for a year, am de-cluttering my house again, and have started attending online OA meetings.
The perfectionist I'm trying to learn to squelch dwells on the failures-regained weight and loss of fitness, but the addict has to admit I have made progress. I'm always growing in honesty, self awareness and personal responsibility. I have faced my own demons whispering that I will never get healthy, and while I didn't stare them down, I did tell myself not today.
Today, I want to live. I want to try again. I want to own my weakness and move ahead. For today, progress will be measured by a willingness to be abstinent, logging in for a meeting and honestly recording my food.
Eventually, I must track my calories, drink my water and exercise, but just for today, I'm going to remind myself that progress is more than a number, that surrender to my HP is the first stage in healing, and that sharing my journey is my duty. And for today, that has to be good enough.