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Dear Nasty Person...

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dear BK, if you're lurking --

When we come back to work in the fall, could you please try to be civil and polite? If I say "good morning" and you're the only one here, could you smile or say something nice instead of a huff or a sigh? Even a fake smile would be better than your rudeness. When we pass each other on the way to the copier, could you try not to stare intently at the floor? When I make a comment in a staff meeting, could you please try to hold your criticism in? I would think that by now you would have realized that no matter how many times you try to prove me wrong in front of everyone, you have been unsuccessful each time. If a colleague and I are chatting and I say that I thought the pot luck potato salad was great, could you please refrain from saying "Oh I hate potato salad" and just keep it to yourself? (The pea/mayo salad you brought wasn't exactly a hit!)

I'm not asking you to be my friend, sit by me in meetings, or even be friendly. I'm just asking that you not be the one who brings the atmosphere in our room down so low. And in case you think it's all my problem, you should know that you have a reputation for this stuff. One of the sweetest women on our team has even been offended by your attitude. We all want to do our jobs in a friendly, supportive environment. We don't need your negativity - so please, just keep it to yourself.

I have no idea what your problem is with me. I don't even really need to know, because I realize that it's not about me. Just be nice.

And to everyone else --

What advice do you have for me, so I can work on myself over the summer break and not let this affect me in any way next fall? I am not personally offended or hurt any more by all this, but it does occupy space in my head that I would rather not rent out. It's the constant tension that gets to me. What would you do?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Dang I had the same thing at my last school last year. She resigned (whew) I transfered (whew). I read this awareness book and the author points out thier opinions of us are really none of our buisness.
    3182 days ago
    Oh here is one P.S. ...........
    Here is one I just don't get ........ I work in customer service and so I am paid to be polite and pleasant (even if I don't feel like it) ........ lol .......
    Tell ME WHY a fellow staff member approaches, and I smile and say good morning and they look right AT YOU and barely turn up one side of their lip? ....... Funny ....... I was raised that if someone speaks, ANSWER!!! .......... How hard is it to say; "Hi or good morning back?" ....... emoticon
    3270 days ago
    I did not read thru the others (yet) so I will not copy anyone. Your situation w/ this 'rude' and crude' individual is most definitely a major challenge! ........ But judging from all I have read on your page ...... I am betting you will come out the 'better man' ....... (pardon the saying) ... Hey--you won me right off the bat when I read your page and instantly had to add you as 'my friend.' ..... (for so many reasons) like you 'are real' .... you love kids and animals ....... and more .......... I am thinking this person is having issues' period and is unhappy w/ herself and she sees so much good in you ......... she prolly secretly wishes she has those plus's in her life ......... but others see her negativity too ....... As I too have some 'toads' in my workplace, I recently got the book, "How to Win friends and influence people" and the first chapter or 2 began to help ....... the 'one in my life' I had to 'tune out' as much as possible cause I already tried the "Kill her with kindness" approach ....... until the next step was: "Just want to kill her period!" ..........
    3270 days ago
  • 02SERENE
    She might not even be aware of her own negativity. Maybe she is doing the very best with what she has got. That is my way of forgiving people -- they are doing the best they can with what they have. If she could do better, she probably would.

    I was once reprimanded for being too positive. So, you can't win for losing sometimes! lol
    3271 days ago
  • LIZZYP609
    Advice? Not a lot. but my first thought is this...you are already doing it. You Kill that person with kindness. It may never help but it might...I am reminded of the every old hymn..."they will know we are christians by our love" (also done by Jars of Clay).


    good luck to you!
    3272 days ago
    Wow. Hate to rub salt in your wound, but I sure feel lucky after reading this. I am fortunate to work with very positive, fun people who are too busy doing what's best for kids to take time to come up with ways to make co-workers miserable. Does she have a family? A social life? She sounds like a depressed person with too much time on her hands. The only advice that I have is a cliche, but it works. "Kill her with kindness." I don't mean go out of your way to kiss her a$$. I just mean when she's around treat her like any other stranger you would great or smile at. Do NOT engage her in conversation, since she's a "sucker," of joy that is. Keep your distance as much as possible and smile knowingly at others when she is being "her." It has potential for being entertainment for those of you who are aware of her rep. Good luck. Sounds stressful!
    3273 days ago
    I don't know that I have any advice. I just spent the better part of two years with an associate who, no matter how much I tried, never said more than two words to me. I've come to the realization that it isn't me and there isn't anything I can do about it, so I'm not going to worry about it. I can also tell you that this is easier said than done.
    3273 days ago
    Hey girl where have you been? As far as your negative person goes, it sounds like she is negative to a lot of people. Kill with kindness if you can. If you can't ignore her because her attitude will hurt you. I am sorry if she is on your team. One thing I have done in the past is remind the person "If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all." Or "If you don't have a solution, don't add to the problem." If the whole team stands up to her, she may get the idea.
    3273 days ago
    It is unfortunate people no longer have manners! I worked for the phone company for 15 years, I was a take over, which means when there is an irate/upset customer, I get them. When I encounter a really nasty person, I am oblivious to the negative remarks, just let them sail right over my head. 2 fold reason- 1- don't let someone else influence your mood, only you control that. 2- you only have to deal with them for 8 hours a day, they have to live with a sour dispostion forever! I feel sorry for them!
    3273 days ago
  • 3016DEBRA
    MAN.....I can think of someone I'd like to give this letter to & I'm not in the educational field. I work for the City as the city clerk & some of the council members I have to deal with are FRIGGIN' #$%&@!!! emoticon I said it!
    I wish they could hear theirselves interrupting speakers, carrying on a conversation with anyone who is unfortunate enough to sit next to them, answering phone calls in the middle of a meeting, etc, etc,...I could go on & on. emoticon While I'm trying to take minutes & can't hear 3 conversations is a mystery to them!
    I hope next year gets better for you....I'm working on my crew now! emoticon
    3273 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10198205
    You've just written a letter to every one of my coworkers! Since I'm just 'support staff' (i.e. the business office manager - read MONEY person), I'm not good enough to be acknowledged by the teaching staff.
    3273 days ago
    Lol have you been to my school? I think you have.... lol!
    3273 days ago
    I had something similar a few years ago. It seemed like this one gal, I'll call her P, was always picking on me. It had been happening all year so finally I spoke with a friend about it. She thought that that was just the way that P was and it was not really directed at me. She suggested that I stand up to P. I don't usually do that but decided to give it a try. When P picked on me I would just jokingly say something like "Oh P, just buzz off" or "Just get off my back". I'm not sure why, but P let up. We are now friends and now when she gets crabby, I just call her on it. I learned that P is really insecure and caring but has an odd way of showing it. Go figure!

    3273 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6619970
    Oh, yikes, I had a few of those in my office, and that is just it, HAD, they have been let go or quit. That is so hard, I know what you mean though that you are trying not to let them rent space in your head, that is the toughest battle and unfortunatly, you can't change them, you can only change the way that you handle the situation and how you react to them. Be respectful and even cheerful in your exchanges, you come out being the bigger person and don't give them a reason to go back to your boss telling them that you are nasty to them, trust me, I know from experience and ignore the rest. The little snarky comments are best left hanging in the air on their part, this person sounds like they are looking for attention and they don't care if it is positive or negative. Kind of like a little kid.

    Hugs to you, I hope that it gets better
    3273 days ago
    Hey, where have you been? I was just thinking of you! Venting in a Blog is a good thing! Don´t you feel better? It sounds like she is jealous of you! So just keep bragging around her and make her turn green with envy!!!
    3273 days ago
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