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Are they judging me?

Monday, June 04, 2012

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We just got back from Little Bit's first beach vacation. We had a great time, and she did great! I was more than a little apprehensive about taking a 6 month old on a 12 hour car trip and a week long stay away from home but over all she did wonderful. The ride there was horrible, but other than that she was a happy baby almost the whole time. She also seems to have learned a few tricks watching her cousins run around!



Spending time with my family is always interesting. We have a mixture of serious fitness enthusiasts, average people (fairly thin and fit), and then me. One of these things is not like the others. I always feel like I stick out like a sore thumb at any family gathering because I am always the biggest person there. It is always at least in the back of my mind, surrounded by my fitter, thinner family, are they judging me? Do they think less of me because of my weight? It seems we can't go more than an hour without someone bringing up weight, working out, or diet. Paleo is the current hot topic and at least half of my family seems to be on it at any given time. Thin as they are, they all seem just as preoccupied with weight and food as I am. I can't help but wonder why. None of them, at least to my eye, has a weight problem, or has ever had a weight problem. They make off hand comments about needing to loose weight or do better. I wonder if that is what they think of themselves, what must they think of me? Do they know that I would kill to look like any one of them instead of like me? Possibly I am taking things too personally, possibly they are as wrapped up in themselves as I am in myself and don't care what I look like or what I eat but I always wonder, are they judging me? Do they see me, or just my fat? I love them, and I know they love me, but still, I can't help but wonder.

Society as a whole judges people like me every day. You only have to look at the statistics to see it. Heavier women are paid significantly less than their thinner counterparts regardless of performance, (incidentally heavier men are paid the same or more). Read the comments on any news article even remotely related to weight and the hatred of fat people is rampant. People feel free to let you know exactly what they thin of you. Clothing that fits properly is damn near impossible to find. No federal laws against weight discrimination exist. Size prejudice is the last acceptable form of discrimination. We are generally despised. Some don't even see us as people. All because of a little extra fat. It's difficult to know that some people hate me just because of the way I look. If I could I would ask them, "Don't you have any faults? Any weaknesses? Any shortcoming? Just because mine is visible to you does that make it any worse than yours? Does that give you the right to judge me?"

Oh, what I would give to not give a damn about what other people think.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MRSBUCKEYE
    Ohhhh I know where you're coming from. Other than a cousin (female) being taller and bulkier than I was - I always felt I stuck out like a sore thumb but I knew my family never judged me. Well - most of the time, I often heard from my mom "you have such a pretty face" so if I could have a makeover from the chin down please !!!

    I guess it's the "we have to love ourselves first" thing ... I'm 58 and I still have issues with loving myself.

    emoticon
    3337 days ago
  • SABRINA1024
    i feel ya on this. no matter a persons body type, theres always something we dont like about ourselves, always work to do, always someone else making us feel bad.
    my family is fit, i've always been the chunky one, even at my smallest.
    don't think theyre judging you, they just know that if its not constantly on their minds, they may slip. you should believe that, i'm sure they are proud of you.
    3337 days ago
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