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being sensative

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Okay, I'm not married, I have no "significant other", pretty much the closest family members I have are my sister and her kids and husband. So she has stuff she wants to get rid of and THIS is stuff I actually want (sometimes she treats me like a goodwill drop off but this is actually stuff I DO want) so she wants me to go to her house to get it. I suggested 3:00 even though she knows it's almost 90 out and I do not have air (ie: she COULD have suggested dropping it off but didn't) and she says wait until 4:30 cause her husband just left with the older kid and she's got the two little ones and can't do anything with them in the house. So.... you can tend them while we talk over a cup of tea? Sometimes I feel like I mean absolutely nothing to her. I'm the first person she calls when she needs something (except now she can't cause of my neck surgery) but I can't come 1 1/2 "early" because I'll be hanging around the house? She asks me the night before if I'm coming to the play she never told me about... I find out AT the play my niece broke her arm. I would blame this on the stress of the breast cancer but she has ALWAYS been like this.

One of my friends says I take things too personally... what do you think? Is she just a self absorbed person who is always going to marginalize me because that's who she is or does she not "really" like me and only spends time with me because she "has" to or I'm a convenience?'

You guys have Really helped me out here. I think just getting the grrrn out helped my evening because we ended up having a great night together and she and I did end up spending a lot of time together with just us (and occasionally the 3 you but she played by herself) and we did some good talking. I think I was feeling really sorry for myself. And also I realized just after dinner I NEVER TOOK MY MEDS!! One of them is Gapabentin (Neuroton?) which I guess is actually a mood alterator althogh I use it for fibromyalgia and one is valium. Wow. I can't believe I forgot. It's so much easier at work and I do get really depressed and weepy if I don't take them.

Thank you so much everyone!!!
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  • CANDOK1260
    yes not taking your meds can really make a different in your mood
    3267 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5233545
    emoticon All families get caught up in their own bubble they can become insensitive to those close to them. Glad you had a good time anyway emoticon Have a good week xxxx
    3270 days ago
    I agree with STARTINGALLOVER. Hang in there and try not to be overly sensitive. Talk to her at a good time when you two have total focus on each other with no distractions. Take care. Ruthie emoticon
    3270 days ago
    No, I don't think you are being overly sensitive. Not to dismiss what your sister is doing but I think some people just get so absorbed in their own lives and what is going on in front of them that they don't realize how self-centered they are being. You need to start being more assertive though. You should have said that you are still recovering from your surgery and told her that it would be best if she came over instead or something along those lines. I know because I've been where you are with family members and friends before. You can be assertive without seeming or acting like you are being mean. It sounds like she is use to you doing whatever she wants you to do and will keep acting like this until you start being more assertive. That's just my two cents though.
    3271 days ago
    yes and no. It sounds like you a baby of the family to. When your a baby people tell you never ask. .....Unless you point out to them what there doing the never relize I used to get mad at my sister when she did this. Or when she'd forget me. But I sat down and talked to her about it and how it made me feel. She never even relized she was doing it. Now she asks. What are you doing today,wed etc. And makes sure I'm not busy then asks for help. just don't go in all confrentational and you and she should fix this up just fine
    3271 days ago
    Yeah, I would put it down to obliviousness as well. Here's a possible scenario. If you came early she would be dividing her attention between you and the younger kids, so maybe she thought it would be more enjoyable if you came later?
    3271 days ago
    Hun, you're not being over sensitive at all. My brother does this to me a lot. I get a lot of "oh did you know?" from other family members and not the horse's mouth so to speak. My nephew qualified for GT classes by first grade, and I was told by my mom and not my brother. He's a lot like your sister and while I know his plate is full, an email or phone call wouldn't take more than a minute to keep me updated.

    Hang in there...we can't change family but we can change what upsets us. Accept she's like this, accept the irritation, but don't let it hurt you. Chose your battles wisely.
    3271 days ago
    Sometimes I think people have so much going on in their lives they dont realize they seem selfish. Most likely because you are her sister, she knows you know her... inside and out and love her anyway. She can be forgetful, sometimes thoughtless etc.. but unless you are clear with her - she wont see it. She sounds like she has a full plate right now..and if she has always been like this - she is totally unaware now. At some point in the future you may want to have a talk over tea that you totally get her busy life.. but she has to see your life and needs too. I am a sister.. I get it!
    3271 days ago
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