Sunday, July 15, 2012
Ok...where do I start. I'm feeling kinda blah these past few days. I mean, I have started marathon training and I feel good about that, but it's more my personal life that I feel blah about. With that, comes lack of motivation to work out and eat well. So, I need to talk this out and get to the bottom of why I feel the way I do.
Let's start with the fact that it's summer and I am not teaching, but I am still coaching. I am done coaching by 10 each day, so then I have the rest of the day to do whatever I choose. Most days I try to find cleaning and errands to run. THe problem is, when I'm at home cleaning, I find a reason to stop and EAT...yes eat...so I have gained weight this summer rather than lose. =( That makes me sad to start off. But I think the main problem is that I don't have a set schedule that keeps me busy and out of the kitchen. So, this week I'm going to try having a schedule to keep me busy. Hopefully that can help.
Well, next I feel fat...and that is no one's fault but my own. I am up to 157 lbs. WTF! How did I do that?! I have got to get things into swing. I really had plans to be the skinniest I could be this summer and be confident in a swimsuit and not ever feel insecure this summer...well I did the opposite and I feel the most insecure of my life. It sucks. Then it leads to the fact that I feel very unwanted from my husband. He is so fit and toned and weighs less than me. Actually I have a husband that weighs 135 lbs. That is my goal weight. HOW THE HELL DO I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AROUND HIM?!
We are struggling with communication...the struggle is, I communicate, he gets mad and doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I try to be a great support to him, but when he does things that I don't think are appropriate and he really doesn't see it, he gets mad and tells me I'm not supportive and no one else seems to think he's wrong. Then he doesn't communicate with me to tell me there is a problem. I don't know how to fix this...he just ignores that there is a problem and let's it bubble up.
So there are several things lingering...maybe it all starts with the issues with my hubby, and then branches to more...I dunno. Sometimes I think life would just be easier if I was just 20 lbs skinnier and more confident in myself...but I don't think that answers everything. I just have to keep digging to find the root of all issues...why I'm feeling blah...maybe it's just hormones? LOL. TOM is hanging around and hubby is out of town right now...who knows. I have a plan for my health and fitness routine and plan to stick to it...
Hope you all have had a great weekend and will have a great week.