Boston to P'town: Resurrection 2
Sunday, November 25, 2012
"Blow all valves. Dive, Dive. Rig for silent running."
Ok, I grew up on '50's and '60's movies and everyone knows that when the submarine is in danger it is driven to the bottom where it hides from the enemy. That's where I've been - on the bottom - hiding. What started out so positively in August and September ( my partner, Luckett, getting a great full-time job and me keeping mine) deteriorated IN MY MIND to challenges I hadn't foreseen. Because Luckett's job required almost full-time use of our car, I needed to depend on public transportation - which led to a 2 1/2 hour commute - one way - to work. I no longer got to work early with plenty of time to go on Sparkpeople and get settled for my day, but I arrived just in time for my students. Also I had to go back to doing my share of the housework and cooking - when I'd sooner a stick in my eye! Yes, yes, I know that sounds selfish but there it is. Again, IN MY MIND, I felt overwhelmed with new challenges - even the good changes like discovering a spiritual path that called to both Luckett and me. I slowly started retreating from my hard-to-maintain positive outlook to my default negative position. Healthy eating slid away; walk training disappeared; hard-won self esteem plummeted. I thought I was still moving forward - or at least I told myself that - but I was diving to the bottom. Still, every day I got up and swore that this would be the day I surfaced. And it wasn't. The joy that I derived from Sparkpeople seemed so far away and unrecoverable. So what happened?
I wish I could say there was a moment when EVERYTHING came together - but there wasn't. Little by little I started surfacing. I returned to making healthier decisions than previously - ok, so I had a brownie for breakfast - I won't have one for lunch too. With our new computer finally set up I jumped on Sparkpeople and dove into everything labeled motivational or successful. I even reread everything I'd written (damn, I'm pretty good! - read my book "Humility and How I Got It"-LOL). I wanted to start retooling my mindset before I wrote another blog. One of the positive things I read was from a woman who bemoaned going back to square one on her path to health; many Sparklers replied and said, "Yes, you may be restarting but you're NOT back at square one because now you know what to do and how to do it!" That statement made me feel so much better. So now I'm restarting and recommitting myself from where I am - right here, right now.
Thank you, my friends, for being there.