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Monday, November 26, 2012

I have an appt with my therapist next Wednesday, but I know I'll be throwing him for a loop. I have made quite a discovery about myself. It has to deal with a very private part of me, and my relationship with my husband. I can't go into detail at all here because it is just TOO private, but I am letting a really deep part of my come to light. Something I thought was too...taboo maybe? for me to even talk about, much less consider doing.

Not only was my husband open minded about what I was feeling, but he encouraged me to pursue it. It sounds so much more taboo than it is because I'm not SAYING what it is, but it is a huge part of why I am feeling so good, and have been for about a week now. Because of this, there are so many things falling into place.

My happiness has been steadily growing, and the dread, the depression, is falling back to make way for my serenity. I feel...like I am blossoming. Like this is me, finally this is me. I am who I am and there is no pretending, no facade.

I haven't weighed myself...in exactly 2 weeks back from today. Before that I was weighing nearly every day, at least 5 days a week, and I had been doing that for YEARS. I thought it would be SO hard, that I wouldn't be able to stay away from hopping on that scale in the morning, but really? That has been a 200-pound weight lifted off my back. I know eventually I will be weighing in, but I believe that because of this experience it will be secondary, just a way to keep tabs, and not my whole life, not consuming me.

This last weekend I had a great time, just chilling, or cleaning, getting a Christmas tree to put up, going to BWW to see a great football game, and not even eating half of my plate of food before getting a to-go box.

Today is my husband's 35th birthday :) He had a fun birthday weekend, and I basically let him do his favorite things all weekend as his gift, which also included giving the go-ahead for him and his buddy to go on a road trip in the southwest this summer for 5 days. We had a frozen pizza followed by McDonald's birthday cake. I had 1 slice of the pizza, a bit of the leftovers from BWW (a Buffalito which is grilled chicken in a softshell), and 1/2 slice of cake which was OH so good. Then, I went to the gym which has been VERY lacking lately, and I walked for 50 minutes on the treadmill with a 5-minute run in the middle. Unfortunately, I almost developed a shin splint, so I stopped running right away. I will do everything I can to NOT deal with that anymore, and I had a feeling that it was the treadmill that caused them (well, and running in a 200-pound body doesn't help).

Motivation for the day: Me.
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