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Sabotage With A Capital SELF!!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I am beginning to see more and more that I need to tighten up on my defense! SELF-sabotage seems to really have it in for me right now.

Sabotage - 1. any underhanded interference with production, work etc. 2. any undermining of a cause

So with that definition, SELF sabotage is ME underhandedly interfering with production or work or ME undermining a cause.

So that my friends is exactly what has been happening lately. I have done really well and then in the evening, my mind kicks in and SELF sabotage takes over.

Now let's break this down a bit. When I say that my mind kicks in, I am talking about the negative thoughts. Those thoughts that tell me that I might as well give up because I am getting no where. It tells me that it doesn't matter how many plans I make, they aren't going to work so why even go to the trouble. I tells me all manner of things that I won't list here because frankly, I have heard it enough and I am NOT going to give them "press exposure"! lol

I spent some time last night trying to help a friend out of a tough spot emotionally and trying to get them to see how great they were and that they needed to stay positive. Then I turned around and got negative all over myself! What the heck is that?

Then after I had spewed so much negative crap at myself, I proceeded to eat a bunch of crappy food to add to the SELF - sabotage! UGH!!!

Then I went to my room to get ready for bed. I took out my journal and wrote about what I was feeling and that I needed to get to the bottom of whatever was triggering these thoughts.

I know that I have talked, and talked, and talked about being positive and not listening to those negative thoughts that pop up. I have positive things all over my motivational wall in my room. I can tell others to stay positive. Why is it that in the heat of the battle, I let those negative thoughts run a blitz on me?


Proverbs 23:7 says: For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So if I am wanting change, my thoughts have got to change! I have to think and speak those things that I want for myself. That is my key to a stong defense against negative thoughts and SELF-sabotage!

Am I not worthy of positive thoughts? Darn tootin'!! Am I not capable of positive thought and comments about myself! Yep I sure am. So moving forward, I WILL only entertain thoughts that are positive about myself! I WILL only speak positively about myself just like I tell my friends to do for themselves. I am worth it! I CAN lose this weight! I WILL get to 150 pounds! I will get healthy! I WILL get off the cpap! I WILL continue to leave all the medicines behind. I am beautiful! I deserve to be happy! I WILL make my plan and stick with it to the end! I WILL make healthy food choices. I WILL exercise everyday. I will see success!

MY BEST DAYS ARE NOT BEHIND ME, THEY ARE IN FRONT OF ME!! I WILL make the most of everyday and take the necessary steps to reach my goals!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is one of the blogs I want to click on LOVE - you SAID it when you quoted:
    " For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

    That is SO true - and so amazingly awesome!! emoticon
    3069 days ago
    Great blog, Susan. Today I realized that until last month whether I was on plan or off, I knew in my mind that I was going to reach goal. It was just a matter of time, because by and large, I was going that direction. But somewhere along the line, I haven't been thinking that way. And I haven't been going that direction. Don't know which came first, but I can see that this is an important mindset that I need to get back.
    Love ya, congratulations on your streak
    3069 days ago
    emoticon = this is a great statement - emoticon emoticon emoticon

    MY BEST DAYS ARE NOT BEHIND ME, THEY ARE IN FRONT OF ME!! I WILL make the most of everyday and take the necessary steps to reach my goals!

    Remember it is one small step at a time. I am trying to establish a streak of do able goals 3 max / day - write them down and check them off at the end of the day.

    emoticon emoticon

    3070 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5707126
    Let's keep those positive thought coming! emoticon
    3070 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3070 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Someone once told me that I needed to stop seeing myself as fat. Think of yourself the way you want to be. So I took that philosophy and applied it to smoking. I know, sounds crazy, but it worked. So I think it's time to apply it to losing weight and being healthy. Think of myself the way I want it to be. Would Miss Skinny Linda eat her way through night and day?Well, no. Which entree would Miss Skinny Linda choose? Hmmm. Maybe I should add brave to that title. Brave Miss Skinny Linda does what she needs to do to get things done! Wow! Applied consistently, it should work.

    3071 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1315172
    I do the exact same thing!!! emoticon
    3071 days ago
    Your blog really spoke to me. I go through the same things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
    3071 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    3071 days ago
  • JUDY106
    I know what you mean. I have been starting a new day everyday for a while now. The evenings has been getting me also. so far not gain, but it is coming if i don't get back on track soon. Thanks for sharing. I don't want to give up and I see you don't want to either. We are going to do this. Act as if until it becomes true. I need the wiliness to do this thing. I was going so well, but now it is not so great right now. I refuse to give up. I am asking for the wiliness to change my mind set. Step 1 --Wiliness.
    OK, I know where you are coming from and I know we will get back on track. It looks like you are working on it. I am trying. Thanks for sharing I needed this today.

    Hugs, Judy
    3071 days ago
    During an especially really low point in my life some time ago, I would routinely have crying jags in the shower. I don't know why, something about the water I guess. It was a crappy way to start a day, and one day I had had enough, and I yelled at myself to JUST STOP IT.

    And I listened to myself.

    I've never been that low since, but I routinely have mini conversations with myself and I've gotten into the habit of giving myself pep talks. No one else is gonna, so I do it FOR ME.

    I'm glad to see you are journaling. Are you doing the 5 or 10 positive things that happened during the day in your journal too? That makes a BIG difference too! Let's see:

    I got to wear jeans today to work.
    I was comfortable.
    I found a parking spot.
    I packed my breakfast and my lunch today.
    I got to talk to other adults today.
    I found another parking space at the market.
    When I was trying to back out, a lady stopped walking and let me out, and I rolled down my window to say thank you.
    At the stationary store, the owner gave me a little book.
    The sidewalks were cleared off when I got home.
    My house is nice and warm.

    They don't have to be monumental, just things that you are appreciative and grateful for. Try it.
    3071 days ago
    Way to talk it out so that you can recognize the truth and cling to it!
    3071 days ago

    Yes we have to battle those emons that tell us we aren't good enough or deserving enough or whatever. We have tell ourselves we are and prove it to ourselves.
    3072 days ago
    emoticon Susan. You do deserve to be happy and you are beautiful. I do this when I start thinking about my Dad about how he died and how much pain he was in instead of what a good Dad he was and how I loved him. I just think of 3 words and repeat them over and over again so no thoughts can come into my head. Soon I fall asleep. That is usually when I think of him.

    Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are special and beautiful and worthy of what you want. We had to do that in group therapy and it felt funny at first but after awhile it doesn't. It does work.
    3072 days ago
    Good work! I suggest that anytime those thoughts start getting you down you go back and re-read this blog. Maybe even print it out and put it on your mirror or frige or anywhere that you might need to be reminded that you are worthy of positive thoughts. emoticon
    3072 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13488414
    You said what I needed to hear...thank you for that. I love to think that I'll always be positive but I know that is not the case. Cate
    3072 days ago
  • COOKIE_AT_51
    I can totally relate ... that is why I use the profile picture that I do because I am constantly in a struggle with the emoticon and the emoticon on my shoulder telling me what to do.

    You are emoticon and winning the battle because you have the right attitude! emoticon you just keep "feeding" the emoticon and you will grow stronger! emoticon I love your attitude, you have the tools!
    3072 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    emoticon wonderful blog. Just what I needed too!
    3072 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13533398
    Great blog Susan. You have a great attitude and I know that you will be successful! emoticon emoticon You are a beautiful woman, a strong woman, and you deserve the best in life! You can make it happen! emoticon emoticon
    3072 days ago
    Great attitude Susan. It takes a lot of discipline to turn around those negative thoughts but emoticon
    3072 days ago
    Great attitude! You are aware of the game your brain is running on you and you're making the choice to change the game.

    Great job!

    3072 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12494098
    Oh MY GOODNESS Susan, in that one blog you did so much work!!!
    Those of us who have battled this weight issue for this long have so much "underpinning" to put in place and debris to clear out that sometimes what seems like self-sabbatoging is actually YOU DOING work... you are aware of it. You know what you are doing now and you can stop it when it comes up again. You can plaster images and positive quotes all over the house, but until they make the way to the heart and the brain they won't do a bit of good.
    **BUT you writing in that journal about how you are feeling and working through those feelings and fighting the negative thoughts and replacing them with strong positive affirmations and beliefs ... that is seriously hard work, it's exercise that needs to be done that my not reflect in the size of your waist or the number on the scale... but it is drilling the way for when those changes really start to happen it really STICKS!
    I am so inspired by your blog and the work you are doing ... positive work Susan.
    (my journal, most of the time, is my very best friend. It holds my secrets, supports me when I need I need that special something that only I can understand and provide for myself. Love that journal and love those words that you write down and work out!)
    3072 days ago
    "They" say we're taught to think negative things about ourselves.
    Prove 'em wrong. THINK POSITIVELY. You are a wonderful, can-do, will-do Lady, totally capable of sailing over her highest hurdles and dancing joyfully into al her goals.
    GO FOR IT!
    3072 days ago
    I do the same thing from time to time, and I had to tell myself today that I need to get out of my own way. Thank you so much for sharing. You can do it girl!
    3072 days ago
    OMG, well I heart you so much! You know I want to open up a can of whoop a$$ though right? Because I think you are the most fabulous person. You know what I think we need, you need to take all the thoughts I think about you, and make it YOUR internal dialogue, and I need to do the same lol. You did such an amazing job last night reaching out to me, to tell me to stop being ridiculous and to see that there is so much more to me than weight and all of those things. I won't go into details, because, you were there... but it's because I heart you and respect you so much, that when you tell me positive things about myself, I believe you. I believe you because I know you wouldn't lie to me, and even though I have a hard time seeing these things for myself, you are always there to remind me.

    With that said, I see you for the person you are. That person is this: A gorgeous woman, who is a loving mother, grandmother and wife. I mean you staying up at odd hours just to be able to spend time with the hubster? That is a lucky man right there! I see someone who is rocking this AMAZING exercise streak, who has severely decreased her amount of medication, who drinks water like a champ and is a huge support to those around her. I see someone who has already come a long way, who has lost some weight but more importantly has gained some amazing habits. I know we slip and have hard times, but you have not once walked completely away from Spark People. You have not fallen into the pit of despair to never have been heard from again. You are a fighter and a Mighty Mocha Hunter and you are someone that does not give up. I heart you so much and that is because you are a beautiful person inside and out and you seriously have a heart of gold. Maybe later tonight, you can sit down and just for 2 minutes, close your eyes and see yourself through my eyes, and I hope that will help to give you a little insight as to how amazing you are. And can I just say, if you have touched my life this deeply through the internet and some emails/texts, your in-person-awesomeness has to be off the charts!! emoticon

    I am so proud of you, and this is your championship year!! emoticon emoticon
    3072 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13530432
    A friend of mine once told me "You don't have to believe everything you think", every time I start that negative self talk, I say to myself (out loud sometimes) "Just Thinking"!! You ARE worthy of positive thought - believe that! emoticon
    3072 days ago
    I loved this line: " tells me all manner of things that I won't list here because frankly, I have heard it enough and I am NOT going to give them "press exposure"! lol "

    That's it Susan! Don't give the negativity any "press exposure!"

    I don't know if this would work for you, yet it does work for me. I have pre-measured, 100 to 120 calorie "naughty" snacks that I am allowed to have if I need an emotional pick me up. (Chocolate covered caramel; reese pieces, etc) I put them on the top shelf where it is difficult to get to and requires me to get out my step-stool. If it is really a bad day and I have to have one, I get the stool, get one pack, *put the stool away!* (important), carry the pack into a different room, sit down and nibble it very slowly taking 5-10 minutes to eat. Yah, 5-10 to nibble on a single, less than 1" piece of candy.

    3072 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2357972
    AMEN, sister!!! I know exactly how you feel! That old negativity sure is hard to boot out - but keep working at it! It's possible! And you're emoticon

    3072 days ago
    A great atttitude! Go for it!
    3072 days ago
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