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Friday, February 01, 2013

I has been 3 months since we got a clear diagnosis and Nov 9th was the date we were told he had only 4 - 6 months. We are just shy of 3 months of that into that timeline.

J is very close to the same condition he was in the night I took him to the ER. I was told that night he would have died within 3 hours if he had not gotten there. All the toxins from the body were removed with the 20 hours of throwing up, IVs, etc. There is nothing that can be done to keep these toxins/gastric juices from building up again. The only difference now is that the symptoms are being controlled as much as possible.

There have been big declines this week. He is becoming more nauseated. He gets medication for that as soon as he wakes up --- which also makes him a little drowsy. The pain had been completely controlled by morphine but the pain has returned and we are having to give him the Oxycodone between the morphine. A couple of times have had to give him the fast acting morphine, The goal though is to control the pain,

He is extremely weak and down to about 147 lbs, Would be less than that if not for the fluid building- and you have to know that is very little weight for someone who is just shy of 6ft 5,

Wednesday was the first day I have had to stay out of work. He had a significant change as he went back into Afib with heart racing up to 155. His blood pressure very low. If we give him meds for the heart it can bottom out his blood pressure even more, So difficult which one to deal with-- low BP or high HR.

The nurse is coming 3 times a week instead of twice and that may even increase next week.

She says he has 2 to 3 weeks now. The Lord knows but I trust her knowledge and expertise. She says he would really be pushing it to make it till 3/1. He knows the timeline and wants to know. He asked over and over to tell him everything.

There are heart wrenching moments when he cries for forgiveness for things he has done. I have assured him he is forgiven. I wish I had time to tell you about the visit he had with the Hospice Chaplain yesterday. Another day I will.

He has managed to write letters to the kids and two best friends- they are so precious and tear jerkers. I know he is diligently writing a letter to me. I also know he has asked one of my friends to make a purchase for me. Know idea what. That will be tough.

The service is mostly planned. It will be very personal and a little different and special.

Now I am still working with insurance. I want to scream. I found more mistakes Wed when I was home with J and reviewing the status once again. I can say though that I am down to only 4 more bills to clear and then only have to submit the Hospice visits for the cancer policy, The insurance has been a night mare. One bill was not paid by insurance because I was put down as the patient!!!!

I have the whole house organized and this past week started having a service come in once a week to do the mopping and dusting. I just do not have time. They will also come in immediately at his death to take care of things before people start coming. This is a big relief for me.

I know that I will be needing to stay out of work some over the next couple of weeks. I have plenty of sick time to use and we are allowed to use sick time to take care of immediate family,

The kids are doing ok. I think it is just starting to hit my daughter that he will soon be gone. My son is handling it best as he can. All of us are handing it one day at a time.

I am most grateful for the Hospice Team that I have. A friend had another company in with her grandmother. When she saw the difference in what I was getting she fired her company and hired mine. She called to say she would always love me for that change as she can not believe the difference in the service and care they are getting now.

I am holding up. I know each of you are keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. One day I will have time to thank each of you personally. For now know how much you are appreciated.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thoughts and prayers are with you & your family. Peace be with you all.

    3024 days ago
    It wasn't too long ago I went through something similar with my Mother. It's heart wrenching. It's really good, though that people have time to prepare. It's great that he is writing letters for people. That is priceless. And it's good that he has time to think and to apologize. It gives him peace. I will go at some point too, and there some things I need to think about.
    My Mother was too confused in her later years to talk to people about meaningful things, and that's sad.
    Hugs and prayers for all of you. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3024 days ago
    Many prayers coming your way. It's no wonder that you need time off to care for him. You are lucky to work for a company that gives you the needed time to care for J. This has been a lesson in patience and caring. I am glad that J appreciates all you are doing for him. To bad it took a major illness to get him to see that.

    3024 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7866181
    Sending you lots of love and prayers. emoticon emoticon
    3025 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    When I read these blogs my heart aches for you and your family. What a very, very sad time. Hugs and prayers for you.
    3025 days ago
    I've just read through some of your blogs and realized that this is an ex that you are caring for. What an amazing person you are. My prayers go out for strength and wisdom for now and for the future.

    Glad you stitch. What a calming and focusing activity.

    3025 days ago
    Hugs and prayers.
    3025 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3025 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12146214
    As one who has walked in those shoes with my father, you are doing a wonderful thing for being so very strong for your husband. You family is in my prayers and my the next few weeks be peaceful as possible for all of you. emoticon
    3025 days ago
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