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Postpartum body blues- feel free to ignore while I throw myself a pity party

Sunday, August 04, 2013

I'm seriously trying NOT to be down on myself. But sometimes I just can't help it.

I am part of a group on Facebook, that is all women who were due to give birth around the same time as me. All of our babies were born April, May, June... Our due dates were all in May. Some of these women are really making me feel bad about myself. They keep posting pictures of themselves in bikinis complaining about how "fat" they look, or how jiggly their bellies are when they have a six pack. It's very frustrating for me. I felt AWESOME about my pregnancy. I gained under ten pounds total, and after my baby was born, I dropped THIRTY in the first three weeks. I ate the healthiest I have ever eaten in my life, and technically lost weight while I was pregnant. I ended my pregnancy lighter than when I started. I haven't been able to get much off since. I do as much as I can, but it's been hard with eating a normal balanced diet. I have to eat a higher carb diet than I want to, because most freggies make baby gassy through my breast milk. AND, not to mention, I am breast feeding/pumping and am burning calories like crazy. It SHOULD be coming off. Just 15 minutes of pumping, burns about 200 calories for me. Because I cannot eat the way that I would normally, I am not dropping the weight like I should. It is extremely frustrating. I have been bouncing up and down between the same five pounds and on the cusp of breaking into "ONEderland"... I am so close I can taste it. I am just not getting there and I am afraid that I am going to get frustrated and revert back to my old ways and put it all back on. That's the last thing I want. I want to be healthy for my son, and set a good example for him. It is SO important to me to be able to run around and play and enjoy my baby without feeling disgusting and hating myself. And I hate my body. I don't want to feel this way and I am scared if I don't get these pounds off, and soon, I am going to give up. I am fully aware that it takes time and patience, and I 100% get that. It just stinks putting in so much effort to not get anything in return.

I just started slowly adding more freggies into my diet. I *think* he is coming out of the gassy phase and his body is starting to handle these things easier. I have been able to incorporate nectarines, grapes, cucumbers and avocados with no issues yet. I had only been able to eat potatoes, bananas, apples and lettuce basically. I am hoping I will be able to continue to add more of these things without causing him any discomfort. It will help me a lot. I ate some watermelon today. Let's see how he does with that..

Anyway, I am just so sick of the women who want to complain how fat they are when they really aren't. And I am sick of feeling bad about myself. I felt good about myself, being down so much after baby and it's just been shot down after seeing these other women looking fantastic. For me, I DO look better than I did before I got pregnant. I joke about the "pregnancy diet" and how pregnancy agreed with my body... But, it still hurts deep down that I am as big as I am and have been fighting this for years. YEARS of dancing around 200 pounds, give or take 10. I've had enough. And I truly AM trying. It's just not working and I am getting frustrated.

I really hate this.

Ok, rant over... And I will keep on fighting... This amazing little boy gives me reason to continue on this journey.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    He is so adorable!
    2865 days ago
    What a beautiful baby!!!!
    2873 days ago
    Nothing to add, but to agree that he is adorable!
    2874 days ago
  • SARIC_33
    #1 Leave the Facebook group! (like BeccaB09) said. That is the only thing I don't like about being on FB, sometimes I am envious of others things or trips or what ever. And like you, I know my life is good and am very thankful for what I have.

    #2 Wow - good for you on the healthy pregnancy. I gained a ton. I had big healthy babies, but I did not take care of mysefl.

    #3 - When Connor settles and you can get some sleep, it will change for you. My oldest DS ate every two hours for months. And it wasn't just a wake up snack. When I first started pumping I was amazed at how much milk I had and what he was eating. son #2 was colicy for lack of a better word. I have several songs I made up I use to sing to him. It seems like sleep will never come again, but it will.
    2874 days ago
    He is such a happy baby. You are doing great Tina. emoticon you will get there. You will have moments like this. Connor is a great motivation and workout buddy. Set a plan and execute. emoticon
    2874 days ago
    Oh my gosh!!! What a beautiful happy baby!!! emoticon Put a big smile on my face:)

    Don't even compare to those ladies, everyone is different. I think your change in diet will help you. More so when you finish breast feeding or the baby gets used to the "gassier" foods.

    You are doing great, putting in all of this effort, be patient emoticon
    2874 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3501043
    What a cutie !!! You are doing great!! Leave that FB group!! No need to be around something that brings you down!! Surround yourself with positivity!! Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I have a couple of toxic people in my life...just zapping me of simple joy...why??? Life is too short...wish them all well...and move past it!! Best wishes!!!
    2874 days ago
    Hi There, I think you're doing awesome! Don't let the other ladies get you down. Sometimes when people say they are fat, it's for attention, and they are looking for everyone to tell them how skinny they are, etc. You're honestly doing the right thing and eating what you can. Don't give up, you will be where you want to be. By the way, your little guy is so handsome! I'm so excited for you that you have him. I bet he's a barrel of fun! It's been a long time since we chatted on the Sapphires in BLC18-19-20. Are you a Sapphire Soldier now? I really liked that team when I was on it. All the ladies were so friendly and nice. I always liked the your weekly newsletters, you did such a fantastic job on them! Thanks Again for all your hard work you put into the team.

    Much success in All Your Weight Loss Endeavors!
    You're doing Fantastic! Keep Up the Great Work!
    2874 days ago
    What a great baby picture! He looks so happy and healthy.

    Those ladies aren't complaining, they are boasting. I wish I could send you a picture of what I looked like after pregnancy. You'd feel ecstatic about your progress. The important thing is you are here and taking care of yourself. It takes a long time to figure out what works for you, or at least it did for me. Good luck.
    2874 days ago
  • E11TEENA
    Thanks, everyone.. I actually do enjoy that group of women. It is mostly laughs and it is great to be able to have them to relate to what we are going through with our babies, since they are the same ages. I wouldn't leave them, it's not their fault I am completely jealous of their bodies! ha! Ugh.... It's not like they have made me feel bad on purpose. It really is my own mental issues I need to work on. I guess my statements about being sick of the women who think they're fat and clearly are not, were more general statements. These girls really are great... It's me that has the issue :(

    I am going to look to find a group on Spark in the meantime. Thank you for the suggestion!! And thank you again for the support! You guys are awesome :)
    2874 days ago
    I agree with the others about leaving the group on FB... That little guy is worth any jiggles and/or wiggles you might have. Embrace it and enjoy your baby.. You're doing wonderfully with your weight - and I think you're being too hard on yourself..

    2874 days ago
  • LALA112
    I second Becca's comments - feel free to leave that Facebook group that is bumming you out! You don't need that in your life. Also give yourself permission to be patient with yourself. It sounds like you are doing all the things that you need to do - your body will eventually follow suit when it is ready to.

    For now, snuggle with that cute little monster and enjoy him!!

    2874 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13424537
    Great picture of your baby. Perhaps it is time to move on from that Facebook group. There may be a spark team for new moms that would instead be encouraging and supportive. emoticon
    2874 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13309654
    Please give yourself permission to immediately LEAVE the FaceBook group that is stressing you out. It is NOT worth it. Wish them well and let them go. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job and as your baby changes your diet can change and you'll be able to eat the foods that work for you. The most important thing to remember about babies is that they change, all the time, and rapidly. Whatever crazy stage he's in is surely just temporary. Good luck and hang in there!
    2874 days ago
    Yea! Good for you for getting it off your chest. You have one handsome young man there. You are doing great, don't let anyone else tell you any different!

    emoticon emoticon
    2874 days ago
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