Postpartum body blues- feel free to ignore while I throw myself a pity party
Sunday, August 04, 2013
I'm seriously trying NOT to be down on myself. But sometimes I just can't help it.
I am part of a group on Facebook, that is all women who were due to give birth around the same time as me. All of our babies were born April, May, June... Our due dates were all in May. Some of these women are really making me feel bad about myself. They keep posting pictures of themselves in bikinis complaining about how "fat" they look, or how jiggly their bellies are when they have a six pack. It's very frustrating for me. I felt AWESOME about my pregnancy. I gained under ten pounds total, and after my baby was born, I dropped THIRTY in the first three weeks. I ate the healthiest I have ever eaten in my life, and technically lost weight while I was pregnant. I ended my pregnancy lighter than when I started. I haven't been able to get much off since. I do as much as I can, but it's been hard with eating a normal balanced diet. I have to eat a higher carb diet than I want to, because most freggies make baby gassy through my breast milk. AND, not to mention, I am breast feeding/pumping and am burning calories like crazy. It SHOULD be coming off. Just 15 minutes of pumping, burns about 200 calories for me. Because I cannot eat the way that I would normally, I am not dropping the weight like I should. It is extremely frustrating. I have been bouncing up and down between the same five pounds and on the cusp of breaking into "ONEderland"... I am so close I can taste it. I am just not getting there and I am afraid that I am going to get frustrated and revert back to my old ways and put it all back on. That's the last thing I want. I want to be healthy for my son, and set a good example for him. It is SO important to me to be able to run around and play and enjoy my baby without feeling disgusting and hating myself. And I hate my body. I don't want to feel this way and I am scared if I don't get these pounds off, and soon, I am going to give up. I am fully aware that it takes time and patience, and I 100% get that. It just stinks putting in so much effort to not get anything in return.
I just started slowly adding more freggies into my diet. I *think* he is coming out of the gassy phase and his body is starting to handle these things easier. I have been able to incorporate nectarines, grapes, cucumbers and avocados with no issues yet. I had only been able to eat potatoes, bananas, apples and lettuce basically. I am hoping I will be able to continue to add more of these things without causing him any discomfort. It will help me a lot. I ate some watermelon today. Let's see how he does with that..
Anyway, I am just so sick of the women who want to complain how fat they are when they really aren't. And I am sick of feeling bad about myself. I felt good about myself, being down so much after baby and it's just been shot down after seeing these other women looking fantastic. For me, I DO look better than I did before I got pregnant. I joke about the "pregnancy diet" and how pregnancy agreed with my body... But, it still hurts deep down that I am as big as I am and have been fighting this for years. YEARS of dancing around 200 pounds, give or take 10. I've had enough. And I truly AM trying. It's just not working and I am getting frustrated.
I really hate this.
Ok, rant over... And I will keep on fighting... This amazing little boy gives me reason to continue on this journey.