Take me back please
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
This is a weird entry because it's motivational and sad lol.
I weighed myself this morning - 217.
So many emotions happen when first I see the 2-prefix to my weight. I had said last year that after working so hard to get away from that, I would never see it again. And then I binged continuously and literally, and I mean literally, watched myself get bigger and bigger all summer. But it sucks letting yourself down like that, especially when you know you want so more much more. And knowing that I can make my dreams a reality by just putting down the fork and going to the gym for just one hour really makes it sting worse.
Everyday I made excuses as to why it wasn't so bad that I wasn't working as hard and they'd range anywhere from, "Well that's just a pound that one good sweat session will clean right off" (needless to say, I never saw the gym) or, "For as much as I've been eating, my body really has been fighting gaining the weight!" That one was a best-seller.
And yes, my poor body was helping me some by trying to give me some form of amnesty for my blatant carelessness, but after awhile the scales (again, literally) tipped and it couldn't keep up.
Summer...has been fun because I haven't cared about much of anything. Not just my weight, but I haven't cared overall about my health, my particular appearance (just looking decent is enough) or even about deeper things, like my emotions or finances. I've actually been stressed ABOUT finances, and so I sort of sunk into a funk (not depression) and went wild with everything because I kind of felt like if I was so out of control otherwise, I might as well run with it.
Again, here I am saying it's time. But how do I convince myself, and everyone else, it's really time? I don't. I just gotta do. And the "before" pictures/weigh-in I had to do today was really all I needed to speak for me.
I've gotten my hard partying and carefree spirit out of the way during this summer, and I'm ready to be agile again lol. I miss being toned and feeling at home at the gym. It's where my best thinking is done and I did so well in school whenever I had that schedule. I have to save money and workout and keep in the books this semester - that's the plan. Plus, it's my last one in Boston before my LA move and I want to be my healthiest self before heading to the west coast! And a bonus is somehow I fixed my back, and now that I can lift my legs to do a reverse crunch, that's a sign if I ever saw one.
Long story short sparkpeople, take me back again pleaaaase. I promise you'll see that old progress from me and constant updates (because this will be my social media come September). I'm back to the old me in the best way.