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Binge Self Talk

Friday, November 01, 2013

I'd been maneuvering a nice little plan in my head. How i wanted to start my weekend. I wanted to go get a thin and crispy pepperoni pizza after work and a nice bottle of white wine. This would make me happy.

As I've been planning out my journey after 5pm another little nagging voice saying "is this going to get you where you want to be?". What do I want more? To stop the feeling of the snug pants almost cutting off my circulation? To see stacks of jeans and pants waiting for me to lose weight? I am craving the pizza because I want to self soothe. I know it. I see it. I want to drown out my emotions.

Both feelings are strong. Both desires are strong.

Which is stronger? I'm trying to think how will I feel after I go on an eating binge? Probably bad. Probably sick. Probably nauseous. Just need to get past today when the feeling is strong. This too shall pass.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The feeling of over eating does pass, (right through YOU) then onto our hips, under arms and double chins!

    The momentum we get from thinking about how great it is that we have found wha emoticon t works goes on FOR A VERY LONG TIME

    2728 days ago
    emoticon I'm stopping by to see how it went for you. If you ate the pizza, I hope you savored every single bite. We do need to indulge sometimes and that doesn't necessarily mean a binge.

    emoticon I have faith that whatever happened you are back on track. It's NEVER too late to start your day over!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2729 days ago
  • -COURT-
    Hang in there and if you are already home, I hope you hung in there and made the healthy decision. emoticon You will feel so much better making the right decision.
    2733 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2735 days ago
  • KAT130
    And my gym also likes to tempt us! I went to the gym Monday night, and because it was the first Monday of the month, they had pizza for everyone! There were 20 pizzas set up for the gym members...who came up with that idea?
    2739 days ago
  • KAT130
    As a pizza lover, I know oh you felt. Not only is it one of my comfort foods, I just really love it! You stopped yourself, which is great! Now you should reward yourself for staying strong. (And maybe pick up a Weight Watchers Smart Ones pizza, it's not the same, but it helps when you are craving pizza!)
    2739 days ago
    That's a weird place to be-- stuck in the conflict of using food as a reward for a week well done in contrast to sticking to a program.

    I think that there are times when food should absolutely be a reward. People that strive to make food a non-emotional/non-rewarding thing are actually going against their own brain chemistry-- studies have shown, time and time again: fat and sugar taste good AND cause our brain to release a whole series of pleasure horomones-- FOOD, to OUR BRAINS, is a reward.

    The problem is when it goes from being one of many rewards to the only reward, the only pleasurable thing.

    After a hard week-- sometimes my reward is a nice dinner out with the sig. Sometimes it's a movie. Sometimes it's a day trip out in the wilderness.

    I think that wanting a thin crust pepperoni pizza and some wine is a great weeklong earned reward-- and if you get only one medium pizza, and a small 2 serving size of wine, you can binge (I ate the WHOLE THING), without actually binging over the moon, you know?

    Taking a natural desire for pleasure, and wrapping it in a weird shame bubble of "is this getting you to your goals" nonsense is only going to take this and make it twisted, unhealthy, so that when you actually get to the point of rewarding yourself, you feel awful while you do it, and most certainly see it as a failure and binge more.

    I hope you did get some pizza and white wine. I hope you savored every tasty bite and reflected on your week and how hard you worked. Then I hope you had a really good weekend, filled with some fun activity, some work, and NO SHAME.
    2741 days ago
    I know you can do it!!! Be strong!
    2742 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14250672
    I hope you won the battle! It makes it easier to say no to the next temptation that comes along.
    2743 days ago
  • JANET552
    The age-old dilemma!! Whatever choice you made, today is a brand new day to work toward what you want. emoticon
    2743 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9963395
    Some very interesting points raised there.
    2743 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7276122
    you certainly hit the ole dilemma right on the head!

    temptation on one shoulder...program on the other....

    which will win?? how bout a middle ground..lots of folks said it! Make your own healthy pizza or get a thin crust..or if you indulge..then really enjoy EVERY bite!
    & then know you won' t want nor need pizza again for a looooooooooong time!

    one meal won't do you in..unless you let it tromp you mentally...

    Be good to yourself...but doesn't that mean eating healthy? hmmmmmm??

    Hang in there... emoticon
    2744 days ago
    hmm good pizza alternatives?? if you like thin and crispy you could try making a pizza on a flat out or pita?? make your own sauce and put your own toppings on it!!!

    Mushrooms, turkey pepperoni, onions, bacon bits, low fat provolone cheese?

    like ddep dish, try a boboli or English muffin

    THe other nice thing is these are much smaller crusts, by the time you cook it, you won't be as hungry. I love making tiny pizzas piled with protein and veggies!!
    2744 days ago
    I feel you pizza does not play fair nor does emotions. Show that pizza whose BOSS! emoticon If you are like me one piece would not do me. I would end up eating most of it. I'd opt for something else. A agree this too shall pass!
    2744 days ago
    You can have the pizza but how about getting a personal pizza and a salad. Take it one day at a time. Hugs you can do it.
    2744 days ago
    Great blog Tania, putting the feelings and the struggles out there! You have the power to choose for yourself and today you can make the decision that is right for you!

    So what is it gonna be sister?
    2744 days ago
    Hang in there... I'm glad that you are so self aware. Sometimes I do this and don't even notice.

    I believe its okay to treat yourself once in awhile but if you are in self sabotage mode... Just remember what you want to look like, how you want to feel. It will never be an immediate fix like we all want but it will take time and work and you know best how to do it!

    emoticon I'm thinking about you!

    2744 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12024980
    sending you stay strong vibes emoticon
    2744 days ago
    *hugs* Now that you've recognized that what you really want is to be comforted and soothed, the trick is finding a way that meets that need AND your desire to not cut off the circulation in your waist. Maybe go home, have that glass of wine with a good healthy dinner and listen to some happy-place music (at least that's what I would do--in fact after I turned in my bibs I made a new playlist of music chosen because listening to it makes me happy.) Maybe watch a favorite movie with the hubby. Or go for a walk if the weather is nice. Or take a bath with a great book.

    2744 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/1/2013 3:15:48 PM
    I have learned to make my own pizza, which is healthier. You can either by or make your own whole wheat/grain thin crust, and opt fresh veggies of your choice, no salt pizza sauce, and low fat mozerella cheese. I have found using mushrooms gives me the feel of meat. I have read and adapt this from the eating clean method, if you feel you have to have wine drink it along with a glass of water, which makes you full and limited the intake.

    Now, doing either of these WILL NOT make you HAPPY, but will settle the crave. WE already know using food for comfort and not fuel only put on the pounds.

    You have already started self evaluting what is the better options, now just pray and see how the LORD leads you.

    2744 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/1/2013 3:09:41 PM
    I could have written a blog like this myself. I completely understand where you coming from. We both know the food isn't going to make the problems go away and how icky we will feel after the binge. But it's a habit, a bad one, hard to break but alot of people have done it and so can you. Good work on thinking it through.
    2744 days ago
    Tania, you can do it. The pizza will not make you feel better in the end. Much as it sounds good. Go to the gym tonight on your way home, THAT will help, not the pizza and wine.
    2744 days ago
    emoticon I could have written these exact same words. Why in the world do we think food will give us that comfort? Many times it never lives up to my expectations, like Barbara mentioned.
    Good for you for thinking it through!! That way even if you do have it, at least it was a planned decision and not a whim.
    2744 days ago
    I am stopping by just to say...NOPE you can not have it! PERIOD! And to PUSH you past that craving. Now, if I believed it would REALLY make you HAPPY I would say you deserve to be happy and get it...but after reading more your happy is around the corner when you slide on those jeans with ease, when you wear pants and feel a breeze rather than feeling like a rubberband has attacked you. YOU are a winner and today victory is yours...it's just around the corner past the pizza place and the wine shop! emoticon emoticon
    2744 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5696353
    Great to question yourself and to think through the aftermath.... If you do go for the pizza, eat it slowwwly and mindfully. Savor each bite. If you bypass the pizza, remember that it is probably better in your imagination than it would ever be in your mouth. And, as always, if you need me, I'm here for you! xo
    2744 days ago
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