Could that be me?
Friday, November 08, 2013
So I think it's time to put out there into the cosmos what made me finally recommit to this weightloss struggle and mean it. This summer my company did their company picnic at a local amusement park. So that day my husand and my son and I drove an hour and a half to the amusement park for a fun day of rides. What I didn't know was this day would not be fun for me and would turn out to be a huge eye opener on the woman I had become.
It was around 90 that day and the park was packed with people enjoying themselves. From the moment I started my day with the walk from the car into the park, and then walking to the rides and standing in line I knew this wasn't going to be the day I had thought. I was tired and my legs and feet hurt, my clothes were stuck to me, my cheeks were red as a beet, I could barely breath and I was pouring sweat. While I looked around at most everyone else who sure they were hot, they looked fairly normal, then look to me and I look like I just ran a marathon and am struggling to just continue standing there.
But if all this realization wasn't bad enough...the true aha moment, the true wow look what you've become, the moment when I knew I could no longer live the life I was living came when my husband said he was going to go back to the car for something he had forgotten and it was just my 3 year old and I. I took him to ride a train ride, just a normal train that putters around the tracks. He was so thrilled to go ride the rides, and as I'm waiting in line he sees that the trains seat 4 people so he gets even more excited that I can ride with him. So as we get to the front of the line and climb into the train car for our turn I realize there are seat belts, but they look fairly good size no biggie, until I try to put it around me and it is a few inches short of closing, and the employee running the ride says I can't let you ride without being buckled in. So since my husband had gone to the car, and I couldn't fit, my son had to ride the ride by himself, alone.
As I stood at the exit waiting for my 3 year old to get back from taking this train ride alone I was filled with complete and utter shame for the first time in my life. I thought..."Could that really be me?" All day long my husband had rode with my son, I had been barely able to tolerate the heat and be there with them, and then I had to watch my 3 year old ride alone because his mother was too fat to ride with him. I was broken hearted to learn that not only had my weight limited my life but now it was limiting my sons life and obviously had also limited my husbands as well because he was being short changed on a wife who was happy and confidant.
That was enough for me. I wasn't going to hold the people who were most important to me back ever again and I was finally going to stop short changing myself. So that's why I'm here now, trying to be the mom my son deserves to have, the wife my husband deserves to have beside him and the woman who can live a happy healthy life and not worry what rides she can take and which ones she can't.