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I’m Not That Girl (Digging for Fire)

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Two weeks in a row my plans to take the bike out have fallen through. Iv had to take my daughter to cheer the past 2 weeks, and Im pretty sure I will take her next week too, as they are having a clothing drive and I cant bother my husband to haul the crap there. I usually try to do my c25k on these occasions, but I didn’t have my mp3 player or earbuds, and just didn’t really feel like it. So I decided I would just walk for the whole time Abby was a cheer and see how I felt. So I planned to just walk around the lake that’s on the greenbelt. But got to where it curved to go around the lake and saw another path went ahead, under the road, so feeling adventurous, went that way to check it out. Arrive at a mysterious locale on the other side, no more lakes, it’s the runoff from Tempe Townlake and the path then just sort of peeters out into a, golf course? There are no street lights, so its dark and spooky and mysterious. And I love that shiz. So I decide to just see how far it goes. And then Im like hey some walking music would be fun. So turn on my Pandora Pixies station and just geeked out. It was freakin awesome. I would have gone further, but had to turn around to be able to make it back by the time they let out from practice. Im ballparking about 3 miles all told. So good news, I know where I will do my run next week, because on my walk to the mysterious locale, I passed a nice stretch of flat pavement (not sidewalk) that I didn’t know was there. Bonus! Or maybe I will just geek out again and see whats beyond where I went last night. The most fortunate part about it is that my shoes didn’t get wet. These golf courses are always being irrigated and Im just amazed I didn’t run into a soggy patch in my nice $120 Brooks. I figure most women would be frightened to be somewhere so remote in the dark where no one knew where they were. Im just not that girl. Im actually exhilarated by the potential for danger. Adrenaline junkie I guess.

In other news been making lots of connections with old friends, not even really intentional. Like last week, when I heard about the Pixies concert (I didn’t end up going) I texted my old friend Shana, whom I have not contacted in about 3 years. I didn’t even know if she had the same number. She called me back and we chatted a bit. We have been friends for over 20 years. She is officially my oldest friend. We can go for several years not talking (obviously) and its like it was we hadn’t talked in a couple months. Quick catch up, hows the kids? Your BABY is 8??!! WTF? I know I need to be better about staying in touch with people. I tend to isolate. Its just that I don’t want people to know that Im still miserable and nothing has changed. Yes, Im still with my husband. Meh, same old, same old. It seems like its easier to make new friends than maintain friendships. In a way it is, and I like making new friends. But I think its that I don’t like people to get close to me, and I like to maintain a distance. And I (mostly unconsciously) when I feel like someone knows ‘too much’ I tend to drift away. Iv got some trust issues I guess. Its kind of paradoxical, because I really like people.

PS: Bonus points for those who know the song references in my blog title. They don’t really go together but I couldn’t decide. I will pick you out a special gift!

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  • no profile photo BONDMANUS2002
    1464 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12024980
    I would have been in the slightly freaked out category, although in daylight I walk places other peeps don't, so I am not a totally lame.

    Have a great day
    2703 days ago
    I kinda do that, too.. the part about isolating myself and not tending to long-term friendships well. I'm working on it. It's definitely a shame thing for me and not about the other person at all. I had issues accepting me, so I figured other people would too and didn't want to face it. I'm grateful that I don't feel those impulses as much now that I'm actively working on loving/forgiving myself.

    The Digging for Fire reference is another of your beloved Pixies songs. I'm Not That Girl makes me think of the musical Wicked but I don't know if you're into theatre? Am I missing some other reference?

    Anyway, good for you for getting a walk in and for not giving up! I look forward to hearing more about your adventurous runs! I would be the one too chicken to try that alone at night, which is part of the reason why I have a gym membership. I'm a wuss! LOL
    2703 days ago
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