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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

That's how life goes, Up's and Downs. I totally understand that you need to hit the lows to appreciate the highs. But the lows are nearly breaking me, I have lost myself and I have lost joy. I live..I survive. I try to fight back, as thankfully there are two very good reasons for me to fight for.

After being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, suffering from back and sciatica pain to a level where quality of life had totally changed. Three ambulance trips to the hospital as the pain got so bad I couldn't handle it anymore. It actually made childbirth seem relatively easy.
I was placed on the "public waiting list" to see a specialist, the waiting was already over a year, and things were getting worse and worse.
But, the first ambulance rides.... no action, just overnight in the emergency in hospital, being pumped full of morphine to get the pain to a level where I could handle it again.
I started a full time job was successful and seem to manage the pain quite well. Then in a nutshell:

end of June I lose my job
The next day I am in ambulance to hospital with incredible back and sciatica pain
The back of my legs felt completely numb as did my feet and bottom, while I was in the hospital overnight, but no action at first just pain relief.
The next day I ask if I can please use the toilet, in a wheel chair as I could NOT walk! Only to find out the bladder is no longer working.
Finally action, that same night I was transported over to another city and had emergency surgery on my L4/5
After I woke up, I was told I had been diagnosed with
Cauda Equina Syndrome.
All I want to say is, it is a very very cruel injury!
All because it had taken too long to get surgery whilst waiting on the waiting list to get worse and worse so I would get further "up" in the queue.
I stayed in three hospitals, for 41 days. (Mostly in a spinal injury unit)

On the 7th of August I came home, walking with a stick and a whole lot of things in and on my body that is not or half in working order.
Also on the 7th of August my family broke up.
We were still in the same house, but turned out we had to vacate that property in October.

I started 'powering on' .... physio, swimming and extra exercise at home.
The load of "home work" I received from the physio to take home was huge, Every exercise in my book, 100 times.
But I wanted to get strong and fit to look for a job again.

On the 14th of September all went horribly wrong. The pain was already slowly returning but that day, I had a CT scan done, to find out, the same disk was bulging possibly even more than it had before.

Another ambulance ride..... surgery in the same area, which made me wonder what on earth they actually did the first time and my 41 days I have spent in hospitals.
Another 9 days in hospital. (This time my L4/5 disk is totally removed and is fused)

Now my children and I are staying in a friends granny cottage, until I can get myself to a level where I will be strong again to find work. In the country I am I get no benefit as I am a New Zealand citizen. So right now, single mum staying at friends with my kids, trying to manage my type 1 diabetes I was diagnosed with only a year ago, trying to accept and fight against the Cauda Equina Syndrome, healing from a second back surgery in 3 months.
I realize I have hit rockbottom, and I have no idea what the future will bring.

I am back here, to find support, motivation, and inspiration. I don't want pity, that is not what I am looking for. But knowing that supporting each other is what Sparkfriends do.

I need to lose weight again, as being this injured for this long, no exercise, and of course plenty of emotional eating (and drinking) has made me gain weight, and extra weight is the last thing the back needs to heal and get strong.

It feels really good to write it down, thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I hope I am welcomed back while I am trying to pick up the pieces and become the strong woman I once was.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    While it breaks my heart to read your story, I am glad to read where you are at in your journey. I think of you often, even when I didn't have any updates. I will be praying for healing and good health. I've been a bit more active here myself so I'll be stopping by to see how you are doing every day and adding what encouragement I can.
    2418 days ago
    You're in my prayers. You are so loved! If you need to cry, vent, complain or even whine, I'm here for you.
    2426 days ago
    Thank you for all your kind words. Now I just need to make spark a "habit" again as I know how much it meant for me in 2009.... I have become slack, even if I know how good it made me feel to get on track and becoming a stronger me. Thanks again. I will keep you posted about my journey.


    2428 days ago
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    2428 days ago
    Health is wealth! and I'm so sorry about the intense, horrendous, life-changing illnesses you have had to endure. Oy vey!!! And then to lose the help mate to-boot...now a single mom with two beuatiful young ones. Your plate is VERY full indeed. You sound ready to fight, acutally already in the fray! You a an empowered, strong woman and I KNOW you will survive this and find peace and balance in the long-run. and the granny cottage sounds perfect in the short-run. Bless the friend who is helping you with this!

    Sending mantra power from Ecuador!
    2428 days ago
  • WATOGA17
    Oh Dutchie,

    I'm so sorry for all you have endured since I last heard from you. You know that here you will find open arms, open hearts, and the support and motivation you need and want.

    Big hugs,

    2429 days ago
    Dutchie- I read your story and you have my full support, vent, cry, smile, and know we all love you. Life can throw you curve balls and you turn them into strikes!

    2429 days ago
    2429 days ago
    Dutchie, you are welcome any time and any where. I wish there was more I could do for you. At least I can give you the support you need and want. Always. You are a strong woman and I know you can recover from these setbacks. Let me know what I an do.
    2429 days ago
    Hello Dutchie,
    you are ALWAYS welcomed at Spark People.
    Wile reading your BLOG my heart felt wrenched and I certainly agree that you have been dealt a raw deal.
    It always baffles me as to why some people get hit so hard while others breeze through life so easily.
    I do hope that you are now healing and on your way to a full recovery.
    The back is the most painful injury or pain you can experience and I know this having gone through 5 births and one major back injury. I would take natural child birth any time over the injury.

    What I will say is that God never gives us any more than He knows we can handle so I am sure your days of living better are just around the corner. Spark People will definitely inspire and motivate you as well as support you in your journey to healthy living. With your type 1 diabetes, this will help especially wit getting your nutrition on track. Food and exercise are the two most important things to help control your diabetes along with the insulin you must take. I do hope tat you have a diabetes counselor o help you with this.
    I lived in New Zealand for over 2 years as an immigrant from Canada when I was a child and love your country so much. In 2008 I returned to enjoy it's beauty once more.
    I lived in Otahuhu Auckland before it became a commercialized town. My house hat I lived in is now a Japanese Car Parts Dealership.
    Should you need anything to help you with your healthy journey please feel free to contact me trough my page or email.
    I am going to add you as a friend so we can keep in touch more closely.

    Susan emoticon

    2429 days ago
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