I had forgotten about blogging
Monday, February 16, 2015
2/16/2015 - it's been a very long time since my last blog. I'm struggling a bit right now to get myself back on track and to remain on track. I do well during the day but when I get home I seem to fall apart and I don't know why. Well, I guess I do. I have an upcoming surgery and tomorrow is the appointment that should tell me when I need to have this surgery. I've NEVER been under the knife and I am terrified. I don't do well with needles, blood ... anything like that. I even hate having my blood pressure taken ... I can't stand feeling my own heartbeat. Strange, I know. But ... that's part of who I am. I know in my head I am trying to sabotage myself because the heavier I am the more difficult it will be for her to perform the surgery and I am secretly hoping she will say that we can't do the surgery until I lose more weight! But most likely what will happen is she will say she will need to make a larger incision and I will have more discomfort due to the large amount of fat. I am my own worst enemy. I have a million excuses. I know I can do this and this is the best I've ever done at one time. I'm excited about how much I've lost so far and how great I've been feeling but this looming surgery is wreaking havoc on me. I'm trying to take in lots of SparkPeople articles and I've got a good support system but there's a disconnect there and I just have to figure out how to bridge the gap. I haven't quite been able to find the time to actually get in to the message boards and meet people ... when I was a stay-at-home mom I was active on the boards and had met many people ... wonderfully supportive people but now that I work finding the time to get on just to log my foods for the day can be difficult. I'm trying and I will continue to try. It's worth the effort ... I'm worth the effort and I know once I find my groove ... the members of SparkPeople will be here to help me along my journey!