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One step forward, two steps back...

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Warning: this blog entry will contain periods of whining, tears, and self-absorbed pity-party moments...

Ok, so...good news is that I'm home from a brief hospital stay this week. Docs managed to draw off enough fluid from my lungs, limbs, and heart chamber to allow my heart to try to remove the rest of the excess on its own over the next week or two.

Not so good news is that I'm still carrying 6 lbs (at least) of excess fluid that's accumulated in a week. Breathing is a bit painful and difficult, as is moving (skin on limbs is swollen and tight). I'm exhausted--from doing absolutely nothing...and each hard-won pound that I've lost over the past 5 weeks of the Biggest Loser challenge is now showing back up on the scale PLUS an extra 1.4 pounds.

I usually try to have a positive outlook and attitude...but I'm finding it way too difficult to brush away the tears this time. I've been eating right, exercising for the first time in YEARS (and looking forward to it, in spite of the pain and difficulty!), and tracking everything. I have been trying AS HARD AS I CAN...only to be back to where I feel like I've failed yet again.

I realize it's fluid build up, and not fat...but somehow that's not making it better. I don't WANT to feel this way...just that it feels like someone turned off the "light at the end of the tunnel" that I finally was heading towards in a big way. And I have no form of air conditioning in my home, only a ceiling and a floor fan, so I'm terrified I'll end up back in hospital once the heat starts up here outside again...

I'm sorry for being so negative, friends.
I just want to stop how this feels, and don't know how...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, I am so glad you are okay and back home! Having a pity party and getting out all of the negative is okay! Let it out! And know that you are amazing and you will see your awesome results again! You've got this! I hope the pain and fluid leave you sooner than later! Stay strong sweetie!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2123 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15505658
    Hope you feel better soon. emoticon
    2125 days ago
    I am glad you are home from the hospital...and I agree with what everyone said...
    Please don't be hard on yourself..for that will make matters worse, mentally and health wise. I am so proud of you that you've come this far, which proves how strong of a woman you are..don't let a number discourage you. Besides you have so many friends with all their support, and that counts for so much.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2125 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14506840
    Hugs and warmth coming your way
    2125 days ago
    It's okay to be upset and alarmed, no one wants to see a gain, no matter what the logic is, we still react emotionally. That's just how it feels, it feels bad. But you are doing everything you can, and you know it will come right off. So shake it off, and be kind to yourself. Tomorrow is a new day.
    2126 days ago
    Well, you already know that it's just fluid that your body is holding on to so I won't even discuss that.

    The bigger issue is the "feeling like a failure". That is hard to overcome, I know. But how much of a failure can a person be that was told they have 6 months to live and instead of giving up and letting that prognosis take their life, has instead lived 5.5 years. There is no way in the great big world that you are a failure. What you are is frustrated and with good reason. Working hard to lose weight just to have a stupid medical issue rise up and seemingly throw all of the hard work out the window would be enough to piss off the pope!

    But I'm sure once you have spent ample time being upset and wringing your hands over this mess, you'll be right back out there putting in the work and getting rid of the excess fluid. Before you know it you'll be posting another loss for all of us to see.
    2126 days ago
    Oh, sweetie, you need a hug!

    I don't know where you live, but you need to find a way to get out of the heat with all your health conditions! Is there any way you could even get an air conditioner for one room of the house?

    Congestive Heart Failure is serious, but you are proof that it can be manageable with the right eating and exercise. You're doing great, and the changes you've been able to make are a testament to that fact!

    But please, don't think of this temporary bloating as a failure on your part. This is your body's natural reaction to the heat, and is actually a good thing! That number on the scale? Fugeddaboutit!

    Take care of yourself, stay hydrated and out of the sun, and love yourself again.
    2126 days ago
  • NHES220
    So sorry for the stress you are under with the excess fluid and the summer heat. I hope that fluid continues to come off and your breathing and moving gets easier. You are a fighter, but you are due your tears too. That is not a pity party. We're pulling for you!
    2126 days ago
    Hugs! You are right. It IS fluid. It will go away. It just will take time. It is so difficult when you work so hard and something swoops down and completely wipes out the tangible results of your hard work. However, all is not lost.

    The light at the end of the tunnel may be out, but your spark friends will shine their light on the path and help you find your way.

    Positive side? You ARE doing all the right things!

    Something that might help that a trainer had me do when the scale wasn't flashing smaller numbers is this: make a list of all the things you accomplished since beginning this journey. Include the little stuff too!

    When you have days like today, get out your list and read it. You are doing awesome!


    2126 days ago
    You ARE correct in that this is NOT fat, it's just fluid. And the doctors believe that your body will be able to get rid of this on it's own, which is GOOD NEWS.

    This is one of the times that the scale is lying to you! Please do your best to ignore the number, other than to keep track of the amount of fluid you still have to shed, and to make sure that it doesn't start to build up again. Don't beat yourself up over this because you did NOT fail! There was nothing you could do to prevent this. I think that the fact that you were able to come home after such a brief stay and that the doctors think YOU will be able to get rid of the rest of the fluid is a testimony to the fact that you ARE taking better care of yourself and HAVE made great improvement.

    Take care. I'm glad you're home from the hospital. Get the rest you need and give your body time to recover.
    2126 days ago
    Stress is a huge factor as well! Take a deep breath and try and move past this.
    2126 days ago
    2126 days ago
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