Stepping out of that comfort zone
Friday, July 31, 2015
Realizing it's not just weight loss for me, I've reached my goal once and I was still not comfortable in my own skin. I was happier in areas I hadn't been before sure, but "comfortable" in my own skin, not so much. Learning that people are no kinder to you when you are "smaller" (that is mostly a myth, I lived it and with therapy, learned it was and is, the biggest reason I self sabotaged myself and regained)....and you are no longer welcome at most of the tables you used to sit at, often those people/tables are even crueler than the "smaller" people had been before....hard and hurtful lesson. Especially when you look in the mirror and see a stranger because outside that mirror, you still see yourself at your highest weight. I used to jump at my own reflection in store windows; makes me smile now actually (wow, that's huge progress for me). My brain never stopped being "the big girl," it still hasn't. I still gravitate and want to sit with the people I used to even though I don't feel welcome. I just no longer want to sit with the painful, negative things inside. The inside...no matter what the outside looks like, it doesn't matter. It never mattered....
I've since gained back part of what I lost and am doing my best every day to reach being comfortable in my skin, no matter what that skin looks like. This quote is one of my favorite reminders that it's okay to be obsessed with being a better me. =)
~These are my personal thoughts, I don't speak for everyone, just myself and with thoughts to those I've met along my journey who have experienced similar things.~