I have joined many BLC challenges. For many I lost weight and I felt like I was succeeding. Should I have based my worth on the scale, the challenges I had faced in those teams? I did at the time.
I know now that those temporary victories are not what makes me better. I discovered that if I want to succeed at being a better me it takes many different aspects. I need to have a drive that even with those challenges I didn't have. I was doing it for the team, I was doing challenges because it was a requirement each week to do LCWs, TNT Thursdays and weekend challenges. I found that I wasn't enjoying myself sometimes. There were great leaders, great teammates and still I felt outside. Not the fault of the team, I wasn't feeling great about myself so I failed.
I am now eating healthier, getting back to some of the activities I love. Some days I feel great and full of energy and some days I have to push myself to move. I am eating almost no processed foods, it should help my body. I am walking five miles a day, sometimes more. I just did a 3.37 5K, finished in under an hour. I haven't been able to do that for a while. It was not fast, but I finished, walked away and felt better about myself.
I am taking time for me. For the past year my focus was on my daughter. She had a difficult pregnancy and they stopped labor at least once a month for the last four months. When little Sebastian was born, he wasn't breathing for several minutes, was flown to a NICU 2 1/2 hours away and stayed for 3 weeks. he was back in the hospital 2 more times in his first six weeks of life. He has therapy and doctors at least twice a week. At 8 1/2 months old, he weighs 13 pounds and was born at just over seven, he has FTT(failure to thrive). I have spent all that time taking care of his mom, his sister and him. they are finally back home and I take them to the appointments, spend lunch with them each day. Still most of my day is taking care of them.....but I do take time for me. I refuse to go to bed until I put my steps in for the day, outdoors in the fresh air with only the sounds fo nature to soothe me. I love it. I can become a better me even with the distractions, I didn't think I could.
I am a work in progress, from my lowest weight on SP during one of my BLC challenges I was within 30 pounds of my goal. sadly now I am 94 pounds away. It is ok though because I am heading down a little each day, and baby steps will get me there. As long as I don't give up like I did, I will succeed in being a bettr me, I may take another five years to reach my goal, but they will be years I enjoy, one day at a time.