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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Last night, my boyfriend of nearly two years and I ended things. It happened rather suddenly, and I'm heartbroken. I'm also a little bit in shock.

Here's the story.

I recently relocated for work. I was increasingly unhappy in my last job and one day, literally out of the blue, someone called and offered me a job out of state. It's in a relatively small town and at first, I had no interest in the job. I'm decidedly a big city girl and I was happy with my life in Houston. But given that I wasn't thrilled with what was happening at my then job, and a host of other external market factors, I wasn't sure what my job security was anyway. We decided it was in my best interest to make the move, even though it's a time zone and 1000 miles away.

He was actually more in favor of me going than I was. He's been consulting for a few years and has been looking for something more permanent for a while but no luck, and in his words, "one of us needs a steady paycheck." The plan was for him to stay behind for while until he tried to find work nearby. Even before my thing came up, he already had a line on a job about 90 miles away, which would work out great. We might only see each other one night during the week, but we'd have weekends. Knowing that he was going to be close by made the whole thing less scary and terrible. My best friend would be close!

So while the movers took most of my stuff, we packed up my car with some essentials and drove together to my new town. He stayed a few days and the Sunday before I started the new job, I put him on the plane to go home. I cried a lot but I thought it was only going to be for a little while. That was a week and a half ago.

Because we had both been stressed with life, we were both eating (and drinking) too much and put on weight. I've gained 20 pounds in the 2 years I've known him, the first 10 mostly because I got lazy about hitting the gym regularly, but the second 10 in the last 6 months alone were because I was doing everything wrong and I knew it.

He's like an anti-vegetarian, disliking most vegetables. So after he went home, I took the opportunity of cooking for just me to get back on Spark and eat better. Hello, veggies! I planned to see him the first weekend in February and told him that I wanted to work hard for those 3 weeks and look hot. (He said the right thing and that I always look hot).

Last Thursday, he found out that they weren't going to hire anyone for that job, at least not close to where I am. We talked all weekend about how sad it was to be apart. We worked Sunday morning on networking and I had a friend send his resume on to someone in her company. Some jobs in her company are remote and he could work from anywhere.

He said something off via text on Sunday night. I asked if we're going to be okay. He said I don't know. I was stunned.

We hardly talked Monday, even via text, which is highly unusual. Yesterday (Tuesday) morning early, before he was awake, I sent an email and said I feel like he's giving up on us and that it hurts my feelings. He replies later that day that he never meant to hurt my feelings, he just doesn't see how this works. We talked on the phone last night. He said if there's no real and immediate chance of us being in the same place or at least close, there's no point "limping along." So that's that.

I always knew there was a possibility of this happening if he couldn't get a job here. I just thought we were strong enough to make it a lot longer than a week and a half. The flowers he bought me while he was here helping me move are still on the kitchen counter. They've now lasted longer than we have.

I'm feeling lost. I've had so many big changes in the last couple weeks, moving states, changing jobs, now ending a relationship. I just got here and haven't made any friends yet, so I have no one to talk to. On top of which, he's the person I want to call to talk about this. I want his opinion on everything and he's the first person I talk to when I'm down. Suddenly he's just not a part of my life.

I'm not usually this public about things like this, but I don't want to bottle this up. I don't want to drown my sorrows in either a bowl of ice cream or a bottle of wine (though both are tempting). Also, I'm so used to sharing my every thought with him via text, that I've got extra time in my day. Thought I'd make the best of it and write a blog
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    How are you now?
    1501 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1576 days ago
  • no profile photo CD17267788
    1684 days ago
    you putting this in your blog to me proves you are a very strong person will over come these feelings in time but will take time so be patient you will meet new people make new friends a whole new life awaits you in this new town prayers for you

    1916 days ago
    1968 days ago
    1974 days ago
    I am so sorry this happened to you. Take time to mourn the relationship.....

    Then, go out and kick booty. emoticon

    I hope you make connections/ friends soon. emoticon
    1974 days ago
  • -RUBIES-
    I know you are hurting and I am so sorry for you. You aren't in an easy place, but, I have to say it. You should move on. It' s clear his heart is not tied to you as much as yours is to his.

    Pray, engage in your community (church, fitiness groups, etc), focus on you and your new job. Take time to heal. Hang in there.
    1974 days ago
    Think of this as a new start, new blank slate! You can do and be anything you want now. Noone to please except you. Do you like animals? A pet can be t he best friend you ever have. Get out walk around the neb.hood. find a church. Go to the gym.Have
    1974 days ago
  • CHELE0329
    I am so sorry. I know your heart is broken and there is really nothing anyone could say right now to make you feel better. However just know that even though you feel like you are in the middle of a horrible storm, every storm DOES run out of rain.
    1974 days ago
    It's important to talk to friends and family and resist the urge to isolate yourself. I know it's tough because you've moved, but do reach out to people. Feel free to message me!
    1974 days ago
  • MOM23RSN1T
    Aww hon I'm so sorry. I know how badly that hurts. Do like the others said and get involved. Small towns are awesome in their community activities. Keep going on getting heather and starting your new life!
    1974 days ago
    No matter what comes after this, you're going to be just fine. :) I will lift you up in prayer for the mending of your heart, and for your spirit to be uplifted as you take on this new opportunity.
    1974 days ago
    Oh, Honey. It's going to be okay. My heart aches for you because yours is a familiar feeling. My ex and I were together five years, and then suddenly he wasn't part of my life anymore. It's very hard, but it does get better with time.
    1974 days ago
    There's nothing wrong with venting your sadness and mourning the loss of your relationship. But with support you'll definitely pick yourself back up sooner. Look at this as an opportunity for GOOD, and make the most of this time.
    1974 days ago
    But on the other hand, that's not something you should wait around for. You should definitely take this opportunity to focus on your health, growing in your career, and making new friends (in your new city or online!)
    1974 days ago
    On one hand, it seems to me like your bf was really disappointed himself and overwhelmed with feeling hopeless about the current situation, which makes me think he could want a reconciliation in the future.
    1974 days ago
    I'm so sorry to hear this. You're definitely doing the right thing by being open about your feelings and disappointments.
    1974 days ago
  • DYANNE4293
    Find a gym or fitness group in your area and make some friends. Or maybe a church? I'm so sorry you're heartbroken. Lifting you up in prayer
    1974 days ago
  • MGRAY1891
    Good for you on all counts! You sound like a strong person and you will make this work! Good luck with your new job! Stay tough!
    1974 days ago
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