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The real me...is in there somewhere.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Today, I feel the need to be real with all of you, so after a lot of prayer here it is.

I started eating excessively when I was in an abusive relationship from 2006 - 2008, it was my way of coping because at the time it was the only thing I had any control over. Since then I have struggled to overcome the desire to comfort myself with food. I'm tired of being unhealthy, of having random aches and pains, of struggling to do the things I have to do, and rarely feeling capable of doing the things I want to do. I'm tired of looking around a room and being hit with the realization that I'm not just the largest female, but the largest person in the room. It's a disheartening feeling to know you outweigh all the men in the room. I'm tired of going to a public bathroom and being forced to use the handicap stall because I don't fit comfortably in a regular stall.

My weight is a handicap, and I'm tired of it holding me back from being all that God has called me to be. I know God has so much more for me, He wants the best for me, and this is NOT it. His word tells me in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has beautiful, amazing plans for my future. I don't want to merely survive and experience my future, I want to really live and thrive in every way possible. I want to feel that the body I have is worthy of being a temple for His Spirit.

Right now I am 38 (39 on June 1st), extremely obese, and discontent with my physical shape and health. This is not me, this is just a challenge God has placed in my life which He will use it to create the real me. He is creating me to be more like Him daily in every way, and I know He will walk me through this challenge just as He does every other challenge I am faced with. That does not mean He will magically cure me of binge eating and obesity, He is God not a genie. There will be work that has to be done by me, there are lessons to be learned. I will overcome this because the Spirit and power of The Almighty God is living in me, and with God all things are possible.
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  • no profile photo CD14402600
    The demons from our past can really mess up our lives and put us in a place we don't want to be. I can't imagine being in an abusive relationship. I know being depressed put the weight on me. I do remember when I first went for talk therapy there was a lady before me who was there to talk about her weight. She needed help facing her demons that made her over eat. Not sure if that is something you have ever tried. It made the difference for me when I was so depressed. I was blaming myself for the hurt I felt from the way others treated me. I had to face the fact that I wasn't the bad person and was helped to get a grip on my bad habits. Not to say that I suddenly lost a ton of weight. The weight loss started some time later, but I was able to put the past in it's place. Hope you can face your past and put it behind you. Wishing you the very best on your journey!
    1862 days ago
  • BETRHO48
    God is an amazing God. We must discipline ourselves to be more like him. So while the lesson may be hard for us and take time, we can do it as we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. We will then be witnesses for his work in us.
    1862 days ago
  • KOFFEENUT
    Thank you so much for trusting us with your honesty - I know it is difficult to put things "out there" when you don't know what response you'll get.

    I also count on Jer. 29:11. It doesn't mean things will be easy - I may have to plan, and work, and adjust, and stumble, and get back up to keep going. But the direction I'm heading is a GREAT direction, and that is what counts. Know there are lots of us right alongside you on this healthy lifestyle journey, cheering you on!


    1862 days ago
  • STEVENKIND
    Honestly, I'm not seeing from your pictures where you look extremely obese, but I just see the upper half. I know I struggle with a lot of self esteem in regards to my weight. Your faith sounds strong and I believe God has a plan for us all. We did the Daniel Plan at church, it's a fun book. Did't someone say we could do all things through Christ who strengthens me?

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    1862 days ago
  • JENSTRESS
    Just an FYI, you ARE the real you, size and all. He knows that too. I highly recommend a few books, one is called You Are Not What You Weigh, and there is another, I'd have to google the title. They are weight loss books by Christian authors, and they helped me so much. You can do this, and your body will at times want to rebel, but you will get there. Love you now, even at this size, and it will be easier to get there.
    1862 days ago
  • MPROFFITT1
    God DOES have amazing and beautiful things for you. We are vessels of love and kindness, and we are servants to one another. I've experienced some of these feelings. We can do this! If you are not already, start getting involved in your community.
    1862 days ago
  • TOXICMISSLISA
    Step by step, day by day. Build yourself up! Don't tear yourself down. You can and will do it!
    1862 days ago
  • MRSDAVIS9913
    You can do it! Good luck!
    1862 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
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    1862 days ago
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