The real me...is in there somewhere.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Today, I feel the need to be real with all of you, so after a lot of prayer here it is.
I started eating excessively when I was in an abusive relationship from 2006 - 2008, it was my way of coping because at the time it was the only thing I had any control over. Since then I have struggled to overcome the desire to comfort myself with food. I'm tired of being unhealthy, of having random aches and pains, of struggling to do the things I have to do, and rarely feeling capable of doing the things I want to do. I'm tired of looking around a room and being hit with the realization that I'm not just the largest female, but the largest person in the room. It's a disheartening feeling to know you outweigh all the men in the room. I'm tired of going to a public bathroom and being forced to use the handicap stall because I don't fit comfortably in a regular stall.
My weight is a handicap, and I'm tired of it holding me back from being all that God has called me to be. I know God has so much more for me, He wants the best for me, and this is NOT it. His word tells me in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has beautiful, amazing plans for my future. I don't want to merely survive and experience my future, I want to really live and thrive in every way possible. I want to feel that the body I have is worthy of being a temple for His Spirit.
Right now I am 38 (39 on June 1st), extremely obese, and discontent with my physical shape and health. This is not me, this is just a challenge God has placed in my life which He will use it to create the real me. He is creating me to be more like Him daily in every way, and I know He will walk me through this challenge just as He does every other challenge I am faced with. That does not mean He will magically cure me of binge eating and obesity, He is God not a genie. There will be work that has to be done by me, there are lessons to be learned. I will overcome this because the Spirit and power of The Almighty God is living in me, and with God all things are possible.