Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Today's topic is my biggest hurdle. I eat because of an array of emotions: boredom, anxiety, stress, loneliness. So I started looking deeper, what do these all have in common...it's times when I don't have control of the situation. When my best friend passed away unexpectedly...I ate. When my dad died of cancer...I ate. When I went through a divorce...I ate. When I was laid off from my job...I ate.
I started eating emotionally when I was in the abusive relationship, and my whole life seemed to be out of my control. No matter what I'm not in control of food has always been in my control. I choose what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat.
This revelation also explains why I feel major anxiety when I'm with others during an out of control situation and I can't eat, it leaves me feeling like I suddenly have no control of anything. I realize deep in my heart that even when I have no control, Jesus is always in control. It's still a terrible feeling to have no control of your own life. It makes me feel like life is just happening to me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. So, I eat because I feel like I have control of food, but the truth is, food has control of me.