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everyone has baggage...but how you carry it is what matters

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Some people seem like they have it all. They are happy, they have a great relationship or marriage. Maybe they have a great job they love. But no matter how wonderful you think that person's life is, everyone has insecurities or doubt pop up from time to time. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has baggage in their life. Some may just have a little more than others.

Baggage does not only come from just a bad relationship. It can come from an argument with a friend. A bad memory from school. Maybe a rough childhood. You might not even realize that some of your personality traits were shaped from this baggage.

For example, a friend of mine use to have a problem with projecting. When she would go on a date, she would be very judgmental and wary of the guy. Turns out she was doing this because she ASSUMED he was doing it to her. In therapy, she realized that a previous bad date where he had said some harsh things about her looks had left such an impact on her that she continued carrying this throughout her life and projecting that fear on others. Once she was able to identify the source, then she was able to work through the issue and be more mindful of it on dates.

One of the most difficult forms of baggage is jealously. I have done postings on this subject and even though it is something that I do not struggle with on a daily basis, from time to time I will still get feelings of inadequacy which then can turn into jealousy. They do say a little bit of jealously is healthy but if it creates a paranoid state of mind and affects their life or relationships then that's a problem. That person needs to get their baggage under control.

Easier said than done, right. Why couldn't a person just drop it? Let it go and not obsess over it. Because its more comfortable to believe negative things than it is the good things. Especially when it has happened more than once. So what can you do? Well I don't have all the answers but I can tell you how I deal with it in my own life.

1. Recognize it. Is their an area in your life that seems out of control or you are just unhappy with? Then sit down and think about what the root cause might be. It may be something in your past that you might not even realize is affecting you. I never comprehended that my self esteem issues stemmed from when growing up always hearing "you would be so beautiful if you just lost weight". It was so deep into my self conscious mind that until I started talking about my childhood did I realize that is where it started. Talking to a therapist or even friends can help in identifying your own triggers.

2. Learn to carry it a different way. Some people have the ability to recognize a problem and BAM fix it. But some things are harder to let go so you have to learn a way to adapt it into your life without it affecting you negatively. Communication is a good way. If you had a rough childhood and are afraid of becoming a parent then talk to your partner about your needs. Let him or her know that you need a little more reassurance from time to time. Same thing with jealously. A friend of mine has a problem with trusting so he is taking more time to get to know the person before jumping into a relationship.

3. Remember - what you put out in the world, you get back. Don't put your emotional baggage on someone else simply for the reason you would not want someone doing that to you. Going on date and thinking to yourself that its going to be horrible. Well duh - that's what you expected and that's what you received. Maybe it wasn't the date. Maybe it was you projecting your negative mindset turning the date into a horrible experience. Poor guy or girl might have never even had a chance.

4. Turn the negative to a positive. Someone is staring at me. Sure they could be making fun of me but I choose to believe that they are staring because I am so fabulous! A cashier is being rude to you. Smile at them. Don't take it personally because they are probably having a crapper day than you are! The mind is a powerful tool but its up to you on how you use it.

Life is never easy but it can be more joyful if you want it to be. Sometimes when I do a posting, it will bring to mind a quote that has stuck with me and this time is no different:

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. -- Author Unknown

Happiness and Health

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