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Never give up! Never surrender! (my favorite movie quote)

Monday, January 30, 2017

I am a very quiet, shy, keep to myself sort of person…. I am really working hard on getting my thoughts into words. It is not easy for me to do and that is why I don’t blog all that often. Never, until a couple of weeks ago, but I am trying.

I have been fighting and struggling with my emotions, my feelings, and myself about sticking with my journey to a better health. Due to a lot of stress I gained to much weight in 2016 and I am having a really hard time getting it back down and under control.

As some of you know one of my best friends, Kathy, is fighting Leukemia and unfortunately it seems to be winning for the moment. She was diagnosed with it about a year and a half ago. She went through chemo treatments that did not have a great affect on it. She is now taking an oral chemo daily and has around 4 liters of fluid drained from her abdomen every week. She is rail thin and I fear that I am going to break her if I give her a hug. I do not get to see her as much as I would like because her immune system is also failing. I pray, I pray all of the time for her.

I wrote an email to a couple of my spark friends about giving up (or not) and wanted to share my thoughts with all of you too.

I look at my friend Kathy who is going through cancer, and not doing well at that, and I think: is weight all that important in the grand scene of life? Living life to the fullest potential is, weight should not matter! At least I keep trying to convince myself of that. Living life yes, but weight? I feel guilty about having a healthy weight and a healthy immune system and I think that watching Kathy go through this is part of my problem. I cannot even imagine what my weight would be if I did not have my wonderful friends at Spark People. If I quit now I am quitting on Kathy and on myself and I refuse to do that. I think I was really unaware of this before, but when I was talking to another friend about Kathy this just came out of the blue, now that I know this maybe I can move past it. 

***I am still having a hard time with getting past it so I am hoping putting myself out there will also help.

Please forgive all of my jumbled thoughts. And thank you for listening.

On another note:

All of the above is one of the reasons that I started this group. Please check out the Backsliders Support Group “Find your strong”. If you wish to just check us out or join us our link is as follows:

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow look at all the posts! Lots of caring people. I love your concern for your friend. I’m sure she has Jesus? I dislike this world very much for the illness here. I pray Lord allows healing for her.
    You did very good letting go of your thoughts in the blog. Hug sandy
    817 days ago
    Did you repost this, you tricky little devil? I see my comment from before and got confused.

    Cancer is awful on everyone, the patient and everyone around them. I went through my mother's pancreatic cancer 20 years ago. Awful. Be there for her, that's all you can do. And live and be healthy. You can do that for you and for your friend. She wants you to take care of yourself, I am sure.
    1230 days ago
    Very sorry to hear about your friend's illness. It's a painful thing to watch. Prayers to her and to you.
    By the way, your thoughts are anything BUT jumbled, and you express yourself very well.
    1254 days ago
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    I love your writing, and am terribly sorry to hear about your friend.I'll be praying.
    1255 days ago
    1585 days ago
    emoticon Keep on writing, Shannon! Get the junk out of your head and onto paper... that's the process that lets me move on.

    Hurting yourself will not help your friend. Being healthy makes us more available for others so please be good to yourself. You've been a wonderful lifeline for me more than once; please let me know how I can show up for you.

    1586 days ago
    I am so sorry about your dear friend! You are both in my prayers!
    1589 days ago
    emoticon I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Kathy.
    I'm holding you and her and all who are near to you up in prayer.
    Prayer for healing, love, comfort, calm, and peace.

    I wish there was more I could say or do.

    1591 days ago
  • CAROL_31649731
    Shannon, I am so proud of you for making the decision to write down your thoughts ... what a perfectly healthy and healing thing to do! Your honest soul-searching touches my heart, dear friend. Know that Kathy (and you) are in my daily prayers. And I'm glad to see that you have discovered another way to "find your strong!" Wonderful blog!
    1592 days ago
    That must be so hard to see your friend struggle. emoticon

    I am struggling with backsliding again, too. I know how frustrating it is. We know all the things to do to avoid it, but somehow I convince myself that I will start tomorrow. Too many temptations! I just know that I don't feel good now and it isn't healthy for me, so everyday I start anew to do the right things. You have been a big help to me when it comes to encouragement. I hope I can return the favor to you.
    1593 days ago
    Shannon, I try not to think about weight, but I do think about health. I want my body to last as long as my mind and vice versa. I want to live every day to its fullest right up until my last breath. I want to cherish my friendships while those friends are here and then cherish the memories when they are gone. I want to love and laugh and live until I can't do those things any longer.

    Is it about weight? No! It's about being healthy and happy and so full of gratitude that you think you're going to burst. I got some similar sad news today from a new friend who has decided to stop chemo. I'm sad, yes, but grateful that she came into my life when she did (just last summer, not that long ago) and touched me deeply. My heart breaks for you and for your friend Kathy and for the deep bond that you share with each other. Love her with all your might. And love yourself the same way. That's the best gift that you can give to her and to you.

    Big hugs, dear friend. We are all here for you.
    1594 days ago
    I'll be adding your Kathy to my prayers, and you. It's hard to deal with your own issues when a friend is in crisis. There's a reason they call it comfort food. Try to remember that you can't help others when your own health is in jeopardy. You aren't losing weight for the fun of it, but to avoid heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and yes, cancer.
    Forgive yourself when you mess up. Tomorrow is always the day you can do better. Every day you eat healthy food is a day you didn't hurt your body. Each of those days is a victory. Every day you don't is a lesson. They all point us in the right direction!
    1594 days ago
    emoticon I am sorry to hear about your friend. It is hard to watch the ones you love battle with cancer or any terminal disease. I hope that the new treatment works.

    My thoughts, even after losing 40 pounds with 60 more to go. I feel that my life has been enhanced. I move better, I hurt less and my asthma seems to be in better control. To me losing the weight is not about looks, though it is nice to buy smaller clothes, it s about being healthy and active.
    1594 days ago
    Thinking aloud too....Weight and numbers aren't as important to me in the grand scheme of things as my overall health. How does my current state feel? How is my quality of life? Am I content?

    So sorry about your friend. My prayers are added to yours.

    1594 days ago
    It always puts our own lives into perspective. But you do deserve to be happy and if losing weight would make you happy, then you owe it to yourself to keep trying.
    1594 days ago
    I'm so sorry to read about your friend. Cancer is such an awful disease. I hope this new treatment is successful. Hang in there. Yes, living life is important & weight can limit your options at a certain point. Don't wait to lose to live.
    1594 days ago
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