Down 168 Pounds So Far -- and only 45 or so to go!!!
Saturday, December 23, 2017
It has taken many, many years to get here, where I am ready and willing to stay on plan -- This time, I started at my all-time high of 384 pounds, "just" 18 months ago..
But, better late then never, right? ;)
I (finally) admitted I have issues with food -- after all, I didn't get to well over twice what I need to weigh just because "I like food" -- foods, specifically, carbs, have been my drug of choice for decades. Stuff my face to not be angry, or hurt, or disappointed, or feeling unloved, ignored, belittled.. you name it. Any reason (read that as, really, an excuse) to eat over something. In truth? It never really worked -- I never stopped being angry or lonely or hurt or anything else! I just (kinda) numbed up for a very short while and then needed the food fix again. It never ended.
I never knew physical hunger, because I was so busy eating all the time, my body never had the chance to be BE hungry! PHYSICALLY hungry, that is.
Then came the day that I was -- as the old saying goes --sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of letting any and everyone's behaviour affect me, tired of letting THEIR attitude or judgement of me control me. Tired of being (playing?) the victim.
Don't misunderstand -- I WAS abused. I WAS treated like crap, and more. And I kept grovelling back, hoping they would love me, want me.. if I did something else, better, they might miraculously find me worthy of their love and caring and good treatment. And I ate and ate through it for decades. Through 2 marriages. All the while telling myself I felt better when I ate? HAH! Of course, I didn't.
But no more whining!!! I am taking my life back. I am NOT making excuses -- no "oh, just this one" piece of candy, this one holiday meal, this one whatever... and of course, for ME, it was never "just this one".. it had ALWAYS turned into months and months before getting back on track. A true food addict for years and years and years.. practicing my addiciton like crazy.
And now? I never, ever feel deprived! I feel so much more in control, I am getting my life back! I follow the Keto way (quite low carb), but I don't Keto-fy foods like cakes and bread and other desserts. It only sets me up.
And I miss nothing! I love what I eat, and I enjoy every bite!