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Day 519: In Pain & Scared

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

It's interesting how you can be in horrible pain for a fair amount of time, but the fear and tears don't really hit until someone starts throwing scary words around. Long story short, I have had iron-deficient anemia for about 3 years now. I've had moderate back, hip, and pelvic pain for almost as long. I have been on iron supplements for the anemia and have been using exercise, massage, and chiropractics for the pain. I kept telling myself that it was going to go away. Instead, it has all continually gotten worse. At my last blood test, we found out that my iron levels are lower than they have ever been. Obviously, that doesn't make sense. To add injury to insult, my back pain has gotten to the point that I can't walk some days. Now words are being thrown around like (most likely) fibromyalgia (which I've watched my mom suffer with for many years), possible disc surgery, and leukemia. That last one was enough to tip me completely over the edge, although they all scare the absolute daylights out of me. I have cried, cried, and cried some more. This was not supposed to be how this went when I came back to SP. I was supposed to kick it into gear and get better. Instead, I attempted to kick it into gear and was forced to realize that something is really wrong. I am so unbelievably scared, friends. It's pretty easy for me talk about my happiness, my anger, my frustrations...but I have a hard time expressing my fears. I feel like I just need to get it out, though - I am absolutely terrified. I go back to the doctor tomorrow for another scan. I want it to be over. I want answers so I can make a plan on what I'm going to do. I want to hear that it's some simple little thing and nothing to worry over anymore. I want to stop crying and snapping at my kids. I don't want to be scared anymore.

Thank you for reading my story. Hopefully I will post soon about how I was silly to get so upset.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Any updates??? Are you hanging in there?
    1199 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru..I do understand..this has been a rough year fopr me, so I understand the fear & pain..
    Sending many, many prayers & thoughts!
    Barb :o))
    1260 days ago
    I'm so sorry! I hope the doctor can give you some answers. (((((hugs)))))
    1267 days ago
    That is scary and understandable that the fear is real. I hope that your scan/tests today will bring you answers and that your doctor will be able to offer you some suggestions and treatment options. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    1267 days ago
    emoticon It IS scary! You're always in my thoughts and prayers. I'll be waiting for that blog about how silly you were!
    1267 days ago
    Hugs and Prayers for you!

    I cannot even begin to understand what you're going through. I can tell you that we are here for you. Talking about those fears can be helpful. I hope you are able to get some answers. Waiting for testing and results is SO frustrating and time consuming. Hang in there. Hug your kids and focus on the happiness in your life.
    1267 days ago
    Sending hugs and well wishes your way.
    1268 days ago
    First, I would like to give you a big hug. HUG . . .now, the words are scary and getting pretty real, but miracles do happen. My stepmother had leukemia and she lived fifteen years after being diagnosed. She was 90 when she died and up until about a month before her death, she was going to the pool and doing two one hour water aerobics classes three days a week AND was walking for 30 minutes seven days a week. She was my hero. She was scared and didn't like to talk about her fears either. I have confidence that you don't let your fears get to you most of the time, BUT. . .right before a doctor's appointment it gets really scary. Keep your chin up and I'll pray that you get GOOD news when you see your doctor.
    1268 days ago
  • no profile photo CD17989942
    Hey Jade....can understand you being scared....just wanted to let you know I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers....hugs, Kim
    1268 days ago
  • HLKING74
    Prayers and good thoughts headed in your direction.
    1268 days ago
    I hope you find the cause soon because then you will find the treatment. I hope it's something simple there's a cure for and it will rapidly improve.
    1268 days ago
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