Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've been on SP. I am still hanging in there and over the moon happy Summer is almost here. This has been an incredibly long winter. It has been nice to be able to get out and about. Yesterday I put all of my pretty flowers in the ground and -- HUGE bonus -- we didn't get hail
So, I guess the "where I've been and what I've been doing" answer is coming. I will start off by saying that this year has been a roller coaster ride of emotion, growing, uncertainty, low self image, anxiety... it hasn't been an easy fall/winter/early spring. Looking back, I can see where I fell into the trap of tying my identity up into my kids. It isn't a bad thing, but it has been hard to pull out of that a bit to try to figure out what in the hell I am doing. I truly thought when all the kids finally went off to school I would have boundless opportunity to finally get to do what I want. Whereas that is true, now that I have had the time, I have felt extremely paralyzed by it. It has been an odd phenomena, to be honest. I remember back to my days of overwhelm, total exhaustion and stress, now all I can think about is, "where did those days go?!!!". So yeah, definitely a bit of an identity crisis.
I won't go so far to say that they've been all awful, far from it. It does feel at times that the hard times have overshadowed the not so hard ones, but I guess that just happens. I have, in a way, lost a part of myself. I am trying to mourn that and move on and it hasn't been easy.
I spent some time at the doctor a few weeks ago and was discussing some of the feelings that I have been having and she had some good advice for me "do for you." She told me. "Now is the time to put your focus on YOU. Do things you WANT to do. Things you NEED to do and feel ZERO guilt over it." So, I am taking that advice.
I guess it wouldn't be a surprise to say that along with my struggles, I have struggled with some of my eating habits. I have managed to maintain my weight well, but haven't made much ground overall with losing weight. Part of my "do for me" was the decision to buy a program that I have considered for quite some time. Enter Balance 365.
I am a full believer in the anti diet message. I am a strong believer in building habits over counting calories or following extreme programs. I have had a few forays into calorie counting over the last couple of months and they never end well. I can't do it. I just can't. Lean Habits, as much as I love the program wasn't working for me either. I felt like I have been white knuckling my way through the core 4 but never was able to get solid on them. To be fair, I did give it a solid almost 3 year try.
Balance 365 is quite similar to Lean Habits but it is structured quite differently. It is a habit based approach and isn't a quick fix by any stretch. But the approach is different. I am only into the second habit but it is going extremely well for me. It is funny, but in all the time I have spent rooted in diets and that mindset, I never really learned how to balance a meal. It seemed either I was completely cutting carbs, cutting fat, counting calories and only focusing on that only to end up with plates that were far from balanced. Never did I learn how to properly balance a meal that will sustain me for a long period. Balance 365 starts slow and there is some amazing stuff to learn. I have learned quite a bit in the short amount of time since I have been in the group and working through the beginning processes. Balancing out my meals is a life-altering thing. It isn't a white knuckle process to go without snacking between meals when I am having sufficient amounts of carbs/protein/fat/freggies. It is actually quite amazing.
Today will be a good challenge for me as I am meeting a good friend for lunch so I am going to figure out a good game plan to structure my lunch in a way that balances everything out but I am not restricting. Being able to navigate some of these hurdles will be an amazing learning process.
I have been at a 90% success rate for balancing out breakfast and lunch and not snacking between either of those meals.
I am looking forward to learning and growing from within the program. I have not a second of buyers remorse for this program because it is solid, the support is amazing and it is just what I need.
I won't go so far to say that this year has been all bad. Far from it. It has been a struggle, but there have been some good times in there also. I have picked up a fun hobby of bullet journaling and I enjoy that. I have always been a bit of a stationary nerd and a pen hoarder (haha) and this has been a good outlet for that. One of my big things this year has been to limit greatly my time spent on devices and this has given me that. It has replaced all the apps that I used to use my phone for: to do lists, Goodreads, Time Jot, habit tracking, etc. I use my bullet journal for that. There are some amazing bullet journal blogs and youtube channels. I have really enjoyed it as a creative and fun outlet. I have taught myself calligraphy and enjoy being able to learn pretty handwriting!!
(just in case anyone is interested)
I've also read some amazing and fantastic books and started a book club with a good friend. It has been super fun to read books that are outside of my norm (heck, usually my norm circles dystopian, Stephen King and Joe Hill
) so I have read quite a few books that I normally wouldn't read and that has been fun. I just finished reading A Clockwork Orange which was AMAZING. Brave New World is up next, but I just got Stephen King's The Outsider and that has sucked me in a bit so that is where I am at right now haha. It won't take me long to read through it so I can continue to get through my ever building pile.
I have been able to volunteer lots of time at my little guy's school. I have also been elected as the PTO secretary for the next school year which is super exciting. I have spent a lot of time in class and it has been fun to get to know his classmates (well, most of them..
). I helped out with the most recent book fair at school (BOOKS!!) and that was a ton of fun as well. I will look forward to being able to devote my time at school again next year!!
I guess I should mention that as summer approaches (only just a couple of short, short weeks!!) yes, the pool is a thing again this summer.
I am so incredibly excited to be poolside again in just a few short weeks. I have the beach towels washed and ready to go. I have bought a couple of new bathing suits. I am slowly building up the supply of sunscreen. I am planning out how to take balanced lunches to the pool with me. Yes, I am READY!
I hope everyone is doing well!!