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Lifestyle, reality and comfort zones

Saturday, September 08, 2018

This weight loss journey is such a mind game. I KNOW how to cook properly; I KNOW what to do to exercise. I KNOW what I'm supposed to do. I'd wager everyone on this site also KNOWS what they are SUPPOSED to do. I haven't done any of it. I've been absent a long time because I haven't done any of it. Life just gets in the way. Well, here is reality. I am a little lighter than the last time I was here (looked at my weight loss ticker). That totally surprised me. I have spent the last two years not dealing with my health, not watching what I'm doing to myself, just eating what I want and drinking what I want. I now have a desk job that keeps me tied down 10 hours a day, 4 days a week with very little chance to get up and move around. Hubby and I now have nearly the same schedule so evenings are spent playing and running around the hills in our side x side. WELL, now here's the price I've paid. I now suffer from edema in my lower extremities. I did some heavy house work and mowed the lawn (small lawn) on the same day, and as a result have inflamed tendons in my right ankle making walking a challenge. I have arthritis in my right knee and plantar fasciitis in my left heel. I have lost so much condition I can't walk anymore very far. I'm still almost 100 lbs overweight. Now at my age it's breaking me down. I might weigh less than I did last time I was here, but I'm damn sure in far worse shape. The older I get, the quicker the decline and the harder it is to bounce back.

Add to this....my dad just passed away from liver cancer. The whole family was all upset with him for not doing what he was supposed to be doing to try to fight it. We all had to pitch in and take care of him, and try to slow down the deterioration caused by his lifestyle choices when he was a much younger man.

So here's the reality for me: Do I want my kids to have to take care of me because I wouldn't do what I needed to do as a younger woman? Uhhhmmmmm…..NO!!! Not only NO, but HE!! NO!!! Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, and would do what I did for him again in a heart beat. But I also love my kids and their kids, and I damn sure don't want to put them through what we just went through. I don't want to be the cause of that. I have the power right now to reverse what my lifestyle choices are doing to me. My heart is broken, my dad was one of my best friends. But I don't want to put my kids through this again with me. I'm back, and I'm conquering the mind game.

The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This rings true for me on this journey. I always thought I knew the answers, and I knew the path - I just had to follow the path. Well...for nearly all my adult life I've tried to lose weight and not been successful. That path and those answers I thought I knew haven't served me well. So this time I stepped way outside my comfort zones and tried a new way of weight loss that I've always been set totally against. I have always thought meal replacement programs were not for me, believing I know how to do this, I can do it myself without any of the expensive programs out there. I started the one I'm currently on at the recommendation of my Dr and I'm totally surprised that it's working for me. I have to admit I'm actually enjoying it and it's easy for me right now. I don't have to think. I just follow the plan. I don't have to work out what I'm going to cook for the day and make sure I have proportions figured out. I just follow the plan and eat what's already provided. The real lesson I have learned here is not to dismiss a method just because I think it might be expensive, or I don't want someone deciding my meal plan for me. For goodness sakes, I'm a good cook. I ought to be able to figure this out instead of having to pay someone else. Reality is, that old mindset is why I'm still obese. I've started and restarted and restarted and restarted....and always had this inner feeling that I would fail. That doesn't seem to be the case this time. I know in my heart right now this is the last time I will do this.

Get up one more time than you fall. Step outside your comfort zones. Change your lifestyle or you might not have a lifestyle to change. RIP Daddy.
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