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Feeling defeated.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Boy do I understand that feelings are fickle. Sometimes it's hard to discern when it's time to give them pause, and when to plug along and know this too shall pass.

Today, I got on the scale and saw a gain. Kind of a big one. Last week, I was so determined to double up my efforts and make up for my lack luster performance. I even have major motivation in the form of a trip to Mexico on the horizon.

Here's where I am. I recently shifted my macro ratios to keto. TBH, it's been a rare day that I hit them perfectly. When I initially made the shift, I was hopeful that my weight would drop like crazy. I mean isn't that happening to everyone? I have friends who are seeing success both on and offline. I saw about a 3 pound drop initially, what dropped even further was my energy level. After some research, I found this is normal and would return after I was "fat adapted."

Now I am determined to experiment my way through this to find the sweet spot that works for me. But, TBH, stepping on the scale to see a gain deflated me today. Now, the metal box of doom is a dummy. I know this. Just once, just once. I would love to have it bless me every time I step on it rather than shout out "failure."

I am doing what I usually do during these moments of frustration. Pressing on! You see, it's when we get so dang frustrated that we quit, only to start again worse off than if we would have just chucked it off and kept on trucking. Oh man, the temptation it to just yell screw it. Doughnuts and fried chicken and beer and nachos and sloppy joes and mac and cheese, those buddy ole pals would certainly take the sting out for a moment. But, they're not really my friends. They're just the old misery loves company crowd. The ones I can sit down with who just accept me as I am and never push me to be my best. They're just chillin in the fridge waiting for a party. I so wanna go to that thing.

However, I do have some new buds. Their names are muscles and strength. I really like them, but they're not gonna just let me have a pity party, they demand more out of me, but boy do I feel better when we hang out.

So, as much as I wanna just hang with my homies in the fridge, I'm not gonna. I'll keep experimenting even through tears of momentary defeat.
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