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I want to keep moving!

Monday, January 21, 2019

In April I will be 75 years old. Like everyone, life hasn't always been kind. I have gone through many times that I didn't know if I was going to make it. Many times I was tempted to just give up, and be life's "Victim". But something inside just wouldn't let me give up and stay down. Sure, many times when I got back up, I had bloody knee caps. I didn't know what to do, so I did what's the only thing TO DO. And that's live one day at a time, many times breaking that down to the next 15 minutes. I made "to do" lists in writing for every day. I didn't want to do the list, but the darned things just wouldn't stop calling me. There's something wonderful about writing a TO DO LIST. It calls you to get into action. And the action leads to self esteem and a sense of victory. Every time I completed something on the list, I cross it off the list and move on to the next one. That's how to keep going. Some of you Sparkies know what I have walked through the past few years, and you have held me up when I couldn't keep going on my own. Within a year and a half both my husband and daughter died after battling devastating diseases. I didn't know that a majority of ME died with them. It is three months and one day since my child died. I have every excuse in the book to sit and mourn. But that's not what I want, because it only leads downhill. I keep getting one day older everytime the calendar turns the page. I can sit and stare into the emptiness until all I am capable of is to sit and stare. Or, I can recall all the years of love and magic that the three of us shared. I can recall and reclaim how very blessed we were, and summon my gratitude for having been so incredibly blessed. I must honor those blessings by ACTING OUT THE GRATITUDE. That means living an action packed, social involvement and continuing to learn. I owe it to others to be a role model. A role model who Lives, not talks, a full life, filled with the wisdom that pain in my world has given me great wisdom, comprehension, compassion and enthusiasm of being totally ALIVE. I create my reality. I must be attentive to being alive. My behaviour, not my words, are end results of my choices. Therefore, I keep moving.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So very sorry. Life just isn't kind sometimes. But you're right . . . you can sit and stare until that's all you're capable of. And I imagine that's not what either your husband nor DD would have wanted for you.

    I am proud of your courage, and sending prayers for strength and peace. IT is just not easy to grieve.

    843 days ago
    I’m crying tears of grief and compassion for your losses. But, I am also rejoicing in your courage, tenacity, and loving determination to carry on and cherish each day. Sending you love, hope, and peace today.
    844 days ago
  • DEBBY4576
    Your strength so soon is amazing. Your blog will help many see that they too can go on living after the devastating loss of a child. I can't imagine it with your beloved DH gone and you having no support there either. Thanks for giving everyone your view of what life can be (and tips that help) if you don't "fold" into yourself. emoticon
    844 days ago
  • ALICIA363
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    Thank you for sharing this. I have my DH and DD and this reminds me to appreciate it while I have it. I cannot imagine the pain of your loss. I am so sorry.
    844 days ago
    Sandy you are an amazing woman. Your attitude is really wonderful.There are so many people who admire you. I am certain that you will give great things to the world still just by being you! emoticon
    844 days ago
  • BERRY4
    As one who has also walked through grief, I had to choose. To live? ...or to fold in on myself & be completely miserable? Sometimes, it was an hourly choice to BREATHE and to move forward.
    emoticon as you slowly find a "new" norm in the midst of walking through such personal loss. I believe in you!

    844 days ago
    emoticon You have such a great attitude!!

    For several years after my son died, I was kind of in zombie-land. It has been just the past couple of years that I have been coming out of the haze. I have a lot to do to catch up since I let so many things slide. I am trying to get a bit more done every day.

    Keep on with your positivity.

    844 days ago
    I remember, not too long ago you made quilts for teens with cancer. I'm sure they and their families were grateful for your compassion, kindness, and concern.
    Know that there are many in the Spark family that admire you and would be by your side if only we could. Since we can't, we will send our prayers and kindest thoughts your way.
    emoticon emoticon
    844 days ago
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