Sunday, February 17, 2019
As I get older, I have had to shift my mindset. Everything I do to stay fit and healthy seems to require more; more mental effort, more exercise, more healthy food choices, just.. more. This fall I really struggled with finding my reason why. I was feeling tired, and simply unmotivated. As a result, by the end of December I was carrying an extra 12 pounds and I was seeing a number I have not seen in over 10 years! When I mentioned that I really needed to get my act together, people told me I looked good and that I didn't need to worry. Now I am 5 foot 1 and anyone who is that height understands that 12 pounds is significant when you are short. I responded by lightly joking that I obviously wasn't advertising my weight gain and that if I looked good, then I was doing a great job of hiding it. My clothes were telling me a different story. The scale was telling me a different story.
In January, I made up my mind to do something about it. My work was having a biggest loser competition, so I joined (I am very motivated by public competition). I joined online weightwatchers, I joined a fitbit walking group, and I started a 30 day New Years challenge.
It is now mid February and I have lost 10 of the 12 pounds.
The journey is still ongoing and the work has been intense. I have a friend who started with me but who has not experienced the same level of success. She is feeling defeated. This is why I am taking a moment to write down my thoughts. I was feeling this way most of the fall this year. I knew what to do, but I couldn't quite work up the effort to start the journey... again. I am not sure why it feels like I am always fighting this battle. This is not the first time I have worked this hard to drop five to ten pounds. Since I lost the original 30 after having children (that took 5 years to work up the energy to do!), I feel like I am constantly battling to stay in control. This is one of the reasons that I was feeling so tired of trying this fall.
I am glad that I kept trying. I will never regret working hard. I only regret stopping. I have the strength in me to do this and so does my friend. That is what I told her. You know you can do this, because you have before. You just need to find your 'now' why and commit to it. I am not talking about willpower, I am talking about knowing the moment when you say, I am going to keep moving forward, no matter what. I know that to see significant gains requires a minimum 6 weeks. I always try to commit to 3 months. I have never been disappointed. After the first week's success, when I lose the bloated feeling and my body responds to increased water and whole foods, my scale may not move again for a couple of weeks. Fat doesn't become muscle overnight. Muscle weighs more than fat. But when the scale does start to move, my body has already begun to show signs of non-scale victories. I realize that my ten pounds is someone else's 100, and three months is nothing compared to the year(s) long journey of others. Each of us has a unique journey. We need to believe in ourselves and be ready to give what is necessary, one small step at a time. I have so much respect for someone that is able to lose 100+ pounds. I remember what 30 was like (That took 5 months!) I still have work to do and I am hoping, as always, that this is the last time I have to start over. But if not, I will never stop trying.