Through the Looking Glass and Under the Microscope
Tuesday, March 05, 2019
I used to post a lot of these blogs. When I first joined Sparkpeople, I found it cathartic to type out all the ups and downs, the baggage that I carried from the past and the new found discoveries on this journey.
Now, in my tenth year here, I don't find it as necessary to do that, I have made peace with my inner child and I discovered a lot of strengths and truths along the way that keep me moving forward in my quest for health and my "happy weight".
But...recently a friend challenged me along with some other friends to post a blog this week. As I thought about the challenge, I realized how far I really have come in not needing that catharsis. I guess I made it through the looking glass and now, I live my life with self inspection naturally occurring on a daily basis without having to tell myself to do so. That's a pretty great realization.
Today I read a quote in the AARP magazine. It was a short article about Kelsey Grammer of Frasier fame. He said when talking about relationships, "How did I get to this spot? I am the mystery guest at a dinner being thrown by my own decisions."
While Kelsey was referring to his marriages, I immediately felt it spoke to everything we do in our lives and the consequences we face for each and every choice we make. When I was carrying more weight around than I wanted, I could throw a pity party for myself and maybe blame my genes or my childhood or circumstances like the job I did, the hours and the difficulty of making time for eating well or exercising. Truth is, I did have many of those feelings and often. But when I look at things with more magnification....put it under the microscope, I can see that it's all about choices even when the choice is to cave in to those feelings and make the less healthy choice.
Let me be clear. I don't always choose wisely. I am still here on Sparkpeople for that very reason. I need to see my choices (when I track my food and activity) and I need to see the consequences of those choices. I am human. Sometimes I feel like the little girl who deserves that chocolate or ice cream or whatever ever else says love at that moment. When I step on the scale however I KNOW that what I am seeing is the result of my choices.
Is my life less rich because I now choose more often than not to reserve some special things for the times when I really want them?
I would say no. In fact I think my life is generally richer. Daily or weekly "treats" aren't nearly as enjoyable as those that are enjoyed less frequently. Indulging in really good chocolate occasionally is much better than the cheaper versions taken in larger quantities. I even have found there are some things that just don't appeal to me any longer. If I am going to indulge, I want it to be truly enjoyable and worth the indulgence.
Well, that's me now. I'm not necessarily trying to tell anyone else to live as I do but I think Kelsey has a point.
Let's be the guest we want to be at the party thrown by our own decisions.