When "I Want" Becomes an "I Must"
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
I know many years ago I came to SP with the I want attitude. I came when my 1st dd was in the summer between kindergarten & 1st grade. I lost 10 lbs and was Sparked to keep going. I had a set back and it was not until January 2009 I restarted the journey. I did really well. I survived 3 kid and a husband's birthday parties. Many Holidays and all the ups and downs. However, it was the loop and a few curve balls I missed. I had gall bladder surgery, my youngest had to have a double hernia operation at age 4, and a few bumps. I got back on the path to weight loss. I tried 5ks but my knee did not like them. I was 5lbs! Five hard to reach pounds from goal. Nearly 65lbs lost and then from left field God sent another curve ball.
I was had (still have) skin condition with a very generic diagnosis. It took months to get diagnosis. Man the journey was hard. I was not even allowed to sweat (I live in Florida lots of irony) and no sun. We found out I am allergic to two chemicals. Which happen to EVERY where. After nearly 2yrs from this skin issue, not being allowed to sweat, and just learning this new lifestyle almost 40lbs came back.
How, when, where, WHY are all my questions and it actually took me a long deep into those 2 yrs (almost 3 now). I had to slow down, but FAILED to adjust my calorie intake. I was not burning the same as before. I was eating out of depression and stress. I was mad at the world and myself. I am still mad at myself. Not the world. The world did not tell me to eat more food. I was not forced to not exercise. I knew what I needed to do I have seen many SP people have set back on limitations. I knew what steriods would do to me, but was my only option.
So, I set here tonight angry as hell at myself. For what I have done. I went from having endless energy to not even being able to keep pace on a bike ride with my son. Yes, I was once size 20, I was once a size 8, I was once able to ride my bike 8 miles round trip and just needed to ice my knees. Now my ego needs to be iced. My eyes are so open and I have now moved to I Must get back on the path to a healthier me. I do not care about numbers in my clothes or my scale. I want to ride bikes with my kids again. I want to blow a hole in my jeans at my knees not between my thighs because friction wore the fabric thin.
I am back and I need to make small adjustments to my priorities. I have lots on my plate. My oldest daughter (15yrs old) has issues and getting better. My son (13yrs old) had his own health issues out of left field and serious. My 11 yr old is had middle school drama issues and not handling them well.
Life is hard and I need to not eat my way through them. I need to do a better job taking care of myself medically. I ignore things out of fear and because I dread the idea of one more dr office for our family. If it is anyone other than myself I would not think twice. For myself lets say I am not my priority, again.
I am Becky, wife of 21.5yrs, mom to 3 kids, SAHM with dr visits for my kids and many obligations that go with SAHM. I am restarting my journey to improve my health, extent my years on Earth, & be the mom/wife I can be.