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Self Defeat

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

I'm doing a lot of defeatist activity lately.

I'm emotionally eating. I'm not accomplishing personal projects. I'm moderately depressed and all I seem to want to do is watch Netflix and play games on my phone.

I'm looking for a new job because I'm miserable here. Mostly boredom. I've been here almost 10 years and it hasn't been challenging to me for some time. I don't see that happening any time soon either. I'm trying to hire an employee so when I inevitably get an offer for a better job I won't leave my boss in the lurch.

I keep telling myself I should write more blogs on A Measured Life, or work on the podcast I want to do, or work on my cookbook, but I always just wind up sitting on my ass on my couch watching Netflix and probably overeating because I'm tired or sad or something.

Self-hate talk that floats through my brain:

No one reads your blog, what's the point? No one will listen to your podcast either and it's not like you'll ever get your cookbook published unless you pay out the nose to self publish. Plus you're not interesting enough for anyone to care. You're a nobody. Why should they care?

I have a few friends who are always my cheerleaders, even if we don't talk much. A friend of mine said this to me yesterday:

I burst into tears. People say nice things to me these days and I just lose it. But he's right. I'm defeating myself. If I can be successful in one thing... I will regain some confidence.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BIG_BEAR73
    140 days ago
    706 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13396003
    emoticon You got this. Start small - I'd take some positive self talk as Step 1. When you release a podcast let me know, I love listening to them.
    866 days ago
    867 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    I read your blogs. I'd listen to your podcast if I knew how. I'm not so tech savvy so I really don't know how to get podcasts. Think I will ask my millennial son.

    If you're in a job that stresses you out because of boredom or it is not challenging enough for you, you're right it's time to move on. 10 years is a long time to work at place that makes you miserable.

    Take a small positive step for yourself. Start each day with a positive attitude. I know this is easier typed here than done, but your friend was right you are the only one who can do it for you. If you feel this depressed seek medical help. Talk to your doctor, or call a hotline. Someone will help.

    Wishing you all the best.
    867 days ago
    awww, honey, you've been thru a lot, and your friend is right about you! Paste that msg. where you'll always see it! It's truth.

    867 days ago
  • no profile photo CD24428029
    I have the same voices just as negative. Trying to get out just a bit each day helps a lot. Some days Netflix is a bad habit for me too; especially when I've beat myself up mentally or had migraines and just have head problems. One day at a time.
    867 days ago
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