I put my face in a bag of chips yesterday...
Friday, April 05, 2019
So if I step back and look at the last 3+ months and were to give myself a grade for focusing on healthy behaviors I'd give myself an "A." As someone with a history of disordered eating, I cannot and will not focus on my weight...I will measure myself occasionally to ensure I'm not "fooling myself" with my food choices/quantities etc. but the largest barometer I use is how I'm feeling. Am I moving? Am I sleeping? Am I taking my vitamins and drinking my water? Am I journaling and talking to other people who are like minded so I don't bottle it all in?
Yesterday I didn't just "slip" into an old behavior, I dove right in, without concern for anything other than trying to numb out. Sometimes life gets too big and my "go to" coping mechanism is food. Yep, imagine that. The thing that I think is hard to put into words is the impact eating mindlessly has on me. It's not the actual overeating that hurts me physically, although sometimes it can, it is what it does to my spirit. It stays with me and I tend to beat myself up, starting with the negative self-talk etc. and it creates a downward spiral. You'll notice this typically falls into "all or nothing thinking."
Here's the message of hope - it was one moment in time. This does not represent my normal behavior, this is outlier behavior and when I started to beat myself up about it, I simply rebuked those thoughts/words. I'm not going to give myself permission to dive in, head first, into food bags as a norm but when old behaviors creep up...I'm going to do the next right thing. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and went to bed, today is a new day and I made some really nourishing choices thus far.
THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC IS...WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IS THE MIRACLE! Thanks for being with me on this journey!