12 Weeks Later
Friday, November 15, 2019
I don't even know where to begin. This is the last day of Week 12 of my healthier lifestyle. I have lost about 27 pounds. I'm in the 170's for the first time since college. I'm feeling more energetic, more confident, more like these are my new normal habits (aside from the flu sidelining me this week).
12 weeks ago, I had just discovered that my husband was having an emotional affair. When I figured out who she was, I looked her up on Facebook, and my immediate reaction was, "Oh, she's pretty. She's prettier than me." And my heart sank. I had just participated in an 80's dress-up day at work. Even though I loved dressing up, I could only look at the pictures of me from that day and think about how fat I looked - how if she looked at my Facebook profile, she would see.... THAT. And I decided that I never want to feel that way ever again.
My husband and I have been trying to work on our relationship. I have been working on myself a lot, not just my weight. I needed a wake-up call, and I feel like I've definitely hit my rock bottom a few times in these 3 months. There is no way I am going back to the old "normal." He is.... Well, he hasn't put a whole lot of effort in.
He's stayed with his mom a bit, but ends up coming home, only for us to have another fight. I've tried to be empathetic and open to forgiving him. I haven't been perfect. I've probably tried to force it too much. But it doesn't work that way. This morning, I had a terrible hour that turned into the most surprising level of clarity. So I let him know that it's time for him to move out. I love him, and I wish him nothing but happiness, but he has stuff that he has got to sort out for himself. I know it won't be easy taking on this next step, but I do know that I have more peace with this than I have in weeks. I have no regrets.