It has been quite a journey over the last 20 months and while I have accomplished a lot along the way I still have more progress to make on this overall journey.
I originally started my journey back on June 8th 2019. The final straw came after putting on my son's Eagle Court of Honor that I had put off for two years after he attained his Eagle Rank because I knew it was going to be a struggle for me to do all of the set up and prep for the party/celebration. I was so absolutely right and the only way that I made it through the event was with the help of my wonderful Mom, Dad, Brother, and friend that helped me set up and tear down and clean up. Throughout the event, I had to take breaks and sit down due to major back pain, being out of breath and just overall body pain. Then when I put on my scout shirt it barely fit for the ceremony and it was a 3X. I finally told myself that something had to change or I was not going to be around for my son's future and my life would just go down hill from here and would be more isolating and depressing due to lack of mobility. Not to mention that I would end up being a burden to my son in the future if I did not fix this quickly as I was fast approaching 50 years old.
Now at 51 years old, I am currently trying to lose this last 5-10 pounds, and it seems as though this last bit has been a harder struggle than the rest of the weight that I have managed to lose on this health journey. In looking back and trying to see why this is taking so long the following thoughts have come into my mind:
* Why have you gone off plan more now that you are getting close to your set goal
* What is going through your head that is sabotaging you from reaching that goal
* Is your ultimate goal attainable at this time
* How can you push forward to reach your final goal that you set for yourself
Sometimes I feel that I have gone off plan several times over the last few months (since Oct 2020) because I am burned out on the whole journey, but then other times I am pumped and good to go. However, as I was thinking through it again yesterday when I was again struggling a thought popped into my head... I am scared of what comes next once I reach goal...I don't know how to just maintain...and how hard will it to be to transition into maintenance mode.... by transitioning will I gain all the weight back....then also how do I know that I am truly where I should be to go into maintenance...should I continue to lose a little more, would that be better for my health....I have learned over the last 20 months who the "weight loss me" is, but I don't know who the "maintenance me" will be and I am concerned that I will actually be able to make the transition properly without gaining weight back.
I honestly believe that the goal that I set is absolutely attainable and in fact I could probably go further beyond this goal as per the charts my goal is mid way between the preferred goal weight for my height. I figured going to the mid point of the chart weights would allow me some flexibility to move up or down slightly and still fall within a normal weight range.
Currently the sabotaging thoughts that are running through my head are as follows:
*You have worked so hard and your deserve "xxx" ....
*You have lost enough weight it is time to stop and move to a different plan...
*People are telling you that you need to stop losing weight... maybe you have lost too much and are now unhealthy looking...
I work really hard to counter act these thoughts, but when I cave in these thoughts have won out, and then I feel super guilty and down on myself for giving in.
It is true that I have worked really hard and have come a long way, but I am not at the goal that I set for myself and it is attainable. So, how proud will I be when I actually accomplish the goal that I set or even go beyond the goal if I choose to in the end. This is something that I think that I must do for myself so that I know that I can complete the task that I set. The comments that I am getting from some people about needing to stop losing weight is hard to hear and really plays mind games with me, but I need to remember that it is my body and my health journey and as long as my doctor and blood work are good and I feel better I need to focus on the goal that I set for myself so that I can enjoy the win in the end that I did what I set out to do. I also honestly think that people no longer know what a healthy weight really looks like because so many of us these days are over weight. As I get closer to my weight and the fact that I feel so much better, I honestly think that the charts are good guides and are pretty accurate for proper weight goals. I think people talk themselves into stating that the charts are off and that the weights noted are not realistic, but I think that this mindset is a way to say to yourself that you are not that out of control or that you are not that unhealthy.
So some of the ways that I try to keep motivated as I try and reach this final few pounds of weight loss are as follows: I continue to research how to come out of dieting without gaining a bunch of weight (Reverse Dieting), I constantly try to keep my mind focused on the YouTubers that I have been watching that are going through the same plan that I am following for my health, I have joined into a challenge called 75 Hard to try and push me and have looked for some more books to read that follow my plan to make sure that I stay focused. But most importantly, I focus in with my wonderful BLC team on SP to help keep me accountable and focused on this journey the best that I can.
SP and my wonderful BLC team has been an absolute life saving aspect to my journey and I am so thankful for these wonderful ladies and all that they have added to my life over these months. I was so very blessed to have been placed with these wonderful ladies for sure.
So I am here to push through to reach this goal that I have set for myself so that I know that I can finish what I start and can achieve anything that I set my mind to for my health.