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just sayin’ … one foot in front of the other

Sunday, May 02, 2021

I’ve been lurking, Sparkin’ a bit by leaving comments and trying to keep my head above water.

Hubby is doing soooooo much better … after 2 months of struggling. We have a way to go until we’re done.

Meds are already in the process of being tapered. Yesterday was rough with pacing, wiggly, smacky, red faced and … emotionally delicate. Each step down on meds … we go through this for several days. Next med cut is in 2 weeks.

Hubby knows that our beloved doc is retiring in November. After 10 years of working with him and keeping Hubby home for his care and feeding during traumatic brain injury manic episodes/psychotic breaks … I will need to hunt down an ol’ soul doc that will work with us. This won’t be easy.

My dearest bestest friend of 35 years suddenly passed away on Hubby’s birthday … April 20th from an unknown brain aneurysm. She had a massive headache for two days with a low-grade fever. We spoke Monday night at 9:20, she went to bed and never woke up. Her mother found her at the end of Tuesday after everyone called and texted Sharon alllllll day.

I don’t do funerals. Hubby needed me. I’m 18 hours away. No one was staying the weekend of Sharon’s memorial in Texas to include her son. So … I stayed put and held quilts that she and I were involved with together. Sharon is the one who taught me to quilt.

I have been … lonely.
I have been … sad, angry, overwhelmed, teary, stomping around.

I feel like I have lost the bond with my daughter … still a stand off from November.
I have lost my Hubby … for the time being or ???
I have lost my bestest, bestest Sister Friend.

Emotional eating was in check until … it wasn’t. This whole week has been a blur.

Walking on my treadmill was going great until … it wasn’t. I haven’t walked in 3 weeks.

I’m putting one foot in front of the other.

Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PHOENIX1949
    4 days ago
    It is OK to feel all the feelings you are feeling. It is natural, it is human, it is truth.

    So much pain, struggle, loss in the present: and fears for the future. Wondering if your husband's retiring doctor is able and willing to work with you on a transition to a new doctor he can recommend?

    Your Spark friends are all here and prepared to listen. always.
    40 days ago
    40 days ago
    My sincere and deepest condolences to you. ..... emoticon
    40 days ago
    My heart goes out to you, it really does. I know pain, I know loss, and I know loneliness. I won't tell you anything that you don't already know when I say that the person you DO have is you, and you MUST take care of you. As soon as you get back on to the treadmill your mental state will start to improve and you will start to regain some semblance of control over something that you CAN control, and needs to be taken care of and given love to at the moment which is YOU. Start with that small step and it will help you to start feeling less overwhelmed. Ask me how I know. ((((((HUGS))))) and prayers for you my lovely.
    42 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15245502
    42 days ago
    Lots and lots of them.
    42 days ago
    I am so so very sorry, my friend.
    How much can one person with stand?
    You most certainly have had more than your share of sadness and loss in your life.
    Please try to find some ways to comfort yourself that don’t sabotage your journey to better health.
    42 days ago
    emoticon Be gentle with yourself over your reaction. As my son would say (and did say to me, recently, over some losses I had felt)... "You know, it's OK to feel a certain way about all this, Mom!" And I'm filling my soul with puppy love this weekend, and getting myself to a place of re-committment, I hope!

    Prayers on your behalf, my friend! emoticon
    42 days ago
    Oh my dear, I am so very sorry. HUGS and prayers. No words can help, I know, but will keep you in my prayers.

    42 days ago
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