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Happy Mother's Day!!

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Sunday, May 09, 2021

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the mothers-of-kids out there, and to all the people (mostly women, some men too) who take on the "nurturing" tasks that are so deeply associated with that mother role.

What a fundamentally life-changing experience, to have a child. To have children.

For those who still have small kids at home: this past year has been a marathon. Working from home or front line with PPE, or having had to give up jobs and deal with the financial consequences of that. While home schooling; trying to fill the gaps for all the social activities that kids aren't experiencing during these COVID times. It's been a lot and it's still a lot and in most locations there's really no definitive end in sight just yet. Please, mothers: do cut yourself some slack.

And for those of us with adult kids: many of us have not been able to see our kids for some time and will not be able to see our kids today, which is terribly sad.

Mothering can feel all about guilt for the past and fear for the future. Lots of the 60,000 to 100,000 thoughts that flood our brains each day are rooted in the mothering experience! And we never stop being mothers.

Yes, we give a lot as mothers. Triumphs and disasters! And receive so much more back. Including -- eventually and slowly but inevitably -- the understanding, so hard to sustain, that we are only meant to help our kids become the people they are meant to be. No control over the outcome . . . that's up to them! As it should be!

So natural to look back and wish we had done better. Been kinder, been more tenderly caring in each and every moment. Been less controlling, been less anxious, been less of the fearful "disciplinarian" attempting to teach and to control and to mould.

So natural to look forward and wonder and worry: will they be OK? Because this year has been exceptionally difficult for our adult kids too.

But in this moment, today, Mother's Day 2021? Let's just tell ourselves and believe and trust: we did the best we could with what we knew at the time -- when we knew better, we did better. And our kids do have their own innate capacity for mental health, for their own feel good expansive calm contentment in the present. Which is also up to them.

All those skills we learned and continue to learn about mothering? The key tender nurturing trusting caring stuff? It would be absolutely OK to apply just a little of those skills to ourselves too, ya know.

So today? What are you planning to do to mother yourself? In this moment?

Here, it's cold cold cold and windy windy windy and rainy rainy rainy. Yesterday, yikes, there was even some solid white coming down!

But I'm planning a car ride with DH and Henry to hunt for some roadside wild flowers: there should be Mayflowers in bloom! Yes, just like the ones Anne loved so much.

And when I get home: continued exploration with my new birding scope . . . it's a learning curve for sure, but so much fun to focus in and really see those black scoters leaping joyously up out of the water before they dive deep for oysters on the bottom of the bay.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TERMITEMOM
    Happy Mother's Day! emoticon
    43 days ago
  • BKNOCK
    NIce blog, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you found your flowers!
    43 days ago
  • SUSIEMT
    Wow! Moms, who could live without them. Maybe that came out wrong. Thank you for talking about Motherds on this beautiful day.
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • DOVESEYES
    So true and all the things I would have said about Motherhood, doing your best at the time, lovely thank you
    43 days ago
  • PHEBESS
    Happy Mother's Day!!!!
    43 days ago
  • BUTTONPOPPER1
    Lovely blog, so full of wisdom and reassurance. Thank you!
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • JEANKNEE
    Happy Mother's Day and enjoy getting aquainted with the new scope and views of the shore birds.


    43 days ago
  • WHYNOTTRY45
    emoticon emoticon
    43 days ago
  • QUARTERMASTER3
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    43 days ago
  • MTN_KITTEN
    Happy Mother's Day to YOU.

    Our DS2 surprised us and brought the whole fam to our home yesterday. The first time we have hugged our g-kids in AGES!!!

    4 year old GS asked ... Granma are you Daddy's mom.
    Yep, I sure am sweetie.
    How long will you be Daddy's momma???

    Forever and ever.
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • 4A-HEALTHY-BMI
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    43 days ago
  • SHAWFAN
    Happy Mother's Day to you as well! Hope you find those Mayflowers. Sounds like a lovely idea except we had bad storms last night. Who knows what else we'd find. emoticon
    43 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon

    Happy Mother’s Day!
    43 days ago
  • no profile photo CD18090386
    A sunny, blustery Mother's Day here in Southern Maine. Church this morning, crafting this afternoon with a dietary splurge for after supper - home made apple pie. Hope your hunt is successful.....
    43 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    Thank you for another wise blog, my friend.
    I am so fortunate that, as young as I was ( suuure I made plenty of mistakes) my kids love me so much and tell me regularly.
    All of them have thanked me for the way we raised them!
    Happy Mother’s Day!
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    happy mothers day
    43 days ago
  • NANCY-
    So glad you have a splendid day planned.
    For me perhaps a fun movie with Middle son.
    43 days ago
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    The best we can do with what we know is the all-forgiving wonderful way to deal with all human relationships, but especially with mothering. When I became a mother, I understood a whole lot more about how my own mother did exactly that, and was human, but did the best she knew. Much love to all mothers, and a Happy Mother's Day to all! emoticon emoticon
    43 days ago
  • NANASUEH
    A beautiful message for Mother's Day.

    Hope you find those wildflowers.

    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • HARROWJET
    "we did the best we could with what we knew at the time" is something I tell myself when I start to self-criticize.

    Thank you for your blog. Happy Mother's Day. emoticon
    43 days ago
  • _RAMONA
    GREAT blog! Happy Mother's Day to you, too, Ellen! I hope it's filled with wild flowers and birds and everything else good and joyous!
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • JUNEPA
    "Let's just tell ourselves and believe and trust: we did the best we could with what we knew at the time -- when we knew better, we did better."

    That was my main thought on being a mother, if my kids know I care deeply about them and their quality of life, and I do my best in that vein, it is really important to me that my kids know they are loved and a big priority in my life, and I can't do better than my best and when they are grown, they will be free to make their own choices and make up for any experiences they wished for and didn't have as children.

    From Brooklyn-Born
    I remember being determined not to repeat the mistakes of my mother only to realize that I was perfectly capable of making brand new ones.

    I listened to three generations of complaints in my family and tried to address them in my parenting. That the parents not visit their ambition on their children thinking they had paved the path to make things easier for them, that parents listen and encourage the child as an individual, that childhood be fun and not heavy with education for the future, but living in the age-appropriate now and that my kids be affirmed that they are wanted and valuable and not shamed for superficial things like how they look or how they compare to my friends' kids, that my kids not be subject to conditions that damage them emotionally and take them years into their adult lives to figure out. And I feel I have done well in these areas, and wonder what my kids will say were things I did that they do not want to repeat. Because I know I am not perfect but from my perspective, I feel I have addressed all the important things. And I very much appreciate my DH's steady and awesome and committed contribution to co-parenting. And I do appreciate that my parents did their best under not always the best conditions. And I could make my own choices as an adult and not blame them forever and realize that some of the things I took offense to were not really that big a deal.
    43 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/9/2021 4:05:11 PM
  • DESIREE672
    Happy Mother’s Day to you. Thank you for the wise and comforting words about parenting.
    43 days ago
  • NANHBH
    I have a spa day planned.

    "God couldn't be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers." ~Rudyard Kipling
    43 days ago
  • JHADZHIA
    Happy Mother's Day! Your children were blessed indeed to have two highly intelligent, loving parents (who love dogs huge bonus, IMHO!)
    emoticon as usual! Not being a mother I can only wish all those who are a great day and a big thank you for taking on the most challenging job of all. Shaping a young life, not for the faint of heart! emoticon
    That new scope must be amazing! I can only imagine!
    43 days ago
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    43 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    “. . . in this moment, today, Mother's Day 2021? Let's just tell ourselves and believe and trust: we did the best we could with what we knew at the time -- when we knew better, we did better. And our kids do have their own innate capacity for mental health, for their own feel good expansive calm contentment in the present. Which is also up to them.”
    How often my dear Mom uttered these words to me as a new Mom! I STILL hear her saying these words. TRUTH!

    “No control over the outcome . . . that's up to them! As it should be!”
    AGAIN! Profound truth! We can only guide our children to be the best THEM they can be. That’s what they’re meant to be. And surprisingly, sometimes our adult children DO show that they understand things we taught them as children and it’s part of who they’ve become. SHHHH! Don’t tell them that, though.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all Mom’s – whether it be to children, fur babies or nurturing of any other kind! Truth be told, it takes a village to raise a child! So, even as their Mom, you are only ONE influence in their lives!

    HUGS

    43 days ago
  • PENOWOK
    Happy Mother's Day to you! No matter how old they are, we're not quite done with the mothering, I think... And even now, you can "mother" that pup of yours!! Have a fun day driving and birding!!
    43 days ago
  • OVERWORKEDJANET
    Enjoy!
    43 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    Happy Mother's Day to you. Hope at least you can zoom, facetime or video chat with your children today.
    43 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    Have a wonderful day.
    43 days ago
  • BROOKLYN_BORN
    This is a great perspective on the real meaning of Mother's Day.
    I remember being determined not to repeat the mistakes of my mother only to realize that I was perfectly capable of making brand new ones.
    Memories, both sweet and sometimes sad, have molded us to be who we are today.
    43 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11945874
    Thank you for the beautiful thoughts regarding motherhood. It certainly has been of my greater challenges And unlike a job you cannot turn it off after an 8 hour day. Mothering is forever once you bring a child into this world. Happy mother's day to you and You have a wonderful day!
    43 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    Motherhood, amazing, scary, special, daunting, Exhausting, stressful, wonderful, joyous, adventurous, beautiful and every single minute worth every thing we go through.
    Have an amazing day celebrating mother's day and you are so lucky you have a fur baby to celebrate with and your hubby. Stay warm, have a blast.
    Sending hugs and love to you on this very special day!!!
    43 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    Great post thinking of things I did wrong to get what I do at times. Missing my mother, aunts & our ancestors.
    43 days ago
  • CORVETTECOWBOY
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • SUNNYBEACHGIRL
    Happy Mother’s Day spending it with family but a much quieter day
    43 days ago
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