Happy Mother's Day!!
Sunday, May 09, 2021
Happy Mother's Day!
To all the mothers-of-kids out there, and to all the people (mostly women, some men too) who take on the "nurturing" tasks that are so deeply associated with that mother role.
What a fundamentally life-changing experience, to have a child. To have children.
For those who still have small kids at home: this past year has been a marathon. Working from home or front line with PPE, or having had to give up jobs and deal with the financial consequences of that. While home schooling; trying to fill the gaps for all the social activities that kids aren't experiencing during these COVID times. It's been a lot and it's still a lot and in most locations there's really no definitive end in sight just yet. Please, mothers: do cut yourself some slack.
And for those of us with adult kids: many of us have not been able to see our kids for some time and will not be able to see our kids today, which is terribly sad.
Mothering can feel all about guilt for the past and fear for the future. Lots of the 60,000 to 100,000 thoughts that flood our brains each day are rooted in the mothering experience! And we never stop being mothers.
Yes, we give a lot as mothers. Triumphs and disasters! And receive so much more back. Including -- eventually and slowly but inevitably -- the understanding, so hard to sustain, that we are only meant to help our kids become the people they are meant to be. No control over the outcome . . . that's up to them! As it should be!
So natural to look back and wish we had done better. Been kinder, been more tenderly caring in each and every moment. Been less controlling, been less anxious, been less of the fearful "disciplinarian" attempting to teach and to control and to mould.
So natural to look forward and wonder and worry: will they be OK? Because this year has been exceptionally difficult for our adult kids too.
But in this moment, today, Mother's Day 2021? Let's just tell ourselves and believe and trust: we did the best we could with what we knew at the time -- when we knew better, we did better. And our kids do have their own innate capacity for mental health, for their own feel good expansive calm contentment in the present. Which is also up to them.
All those skills we learned and continue to learn about mothering? The key tender nurturing trusting caring stuff? It would be absolutely OK to apply just a little of those skills to ourselves too, ya know.
So today? What are you planning to do to mother yourself? In this moment?
Here, it's cold cold cold and windy windy windy and rainy rainy rainy. Yesterday, yikes, there was even some solid white coming down!
But I'm planning a car ride with DH and Henry to hunt for some roadside wild flowers: there should be Mayflowers in bloom! Yes, just like the ones Anne loved so much.
And when I get home: continued exploration with my new birding scope . . . it's a learning curve for sure, but so much fun to focus in and really see those black scoters leaping joyously up out of the water before they dive deep for oysters on the bottom of the bay.