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just sayin’ … baby steps

Sunday, May 09, 2021

I’m taking baby steps back into the real world. Today is Mother’s Day and I plan to give myself a gift.

A gift of … peace.

As I weighed in this morning and the scale registered 218 … again … it flashed before my eyes that I have regained the 10 pounds I blood, sweat and tears pulled off.


Coz dear BFF suddenly died from a brain aneurysm.
Hubby suffered another manic episode including a psychotic break.

Well, that’s good reasons … right???


Hubby is doing good. We stair stepped off some meds Wednesday morning … next cut is Tuesday night. Just a couple more weeks and we will be on level ground again. He knows that his doc is retiring in November. So, the search will begin for another ol’ soul.

I did really good taking care of ME during Hubby’s issues … walking 5x a week and eating only when I was physically hungry. I peeled off 14 pounds getting down to 208.1 and was starting to feel good. Since BFF Sharon’s death … I have eaten everything not nailed down and sat on my b@tt. And I feel like the crap I have been eating.

WatermEllen’s blogs sure do stir the brain cells. I have decided I am worth the effort to be comfortable in my own skin. Sharon laid down to get a good night sleep and never woke up. She never finished allllll the things she started or did the things she said she really wanted to. I have been walking around … half dead.

I have a great life.
I love my David immensely.
I have tons of material … things.

But I have unfinished business that is important to … ME.

No plan of attack.

A kinder, gentler way of treating … ME.

Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PHOENIX1949
    4 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear of your losses! You've lost your BFF and your husband, even though only temporarily. That's a whole lot of grieving to do. I'm glad you are able to see fit to be kind to yourself, while providing self-care. You are so worth it! You will get stronger everyday. You'll see. In the meantime, look to your Spark friends to help you through this. emoticon
    34 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15245502
    34 days ago
  • no profile photo FLYWITHME2
    Yes u
    35 days ago
    Good ideas!
    You are a beautiful, smart, caring and strong woman. Remember that when you rise each day.
    35 days ago
    And . . . wasn't there a status post indicating that you had a lovely family visit with grandkids yesterday? Oh yeah, joy surprises us even in the midst of grief, over and over again.
    35 days ago
    Grief and suffering weigh us down, literally, no doubt about it. Christmas 2017, saying goodbye to my parents for them to return to Britain, I had a strong feeling that I may not get to see my Mum again at a Christmas...I don't know why; in theory she was all clear of cancer then. By May 16th she was dead. In that time I had managed to go from 136 pounds to 195 pounds. After her death I went up to 220 pounds, gradually gaining all the way up to 285......and that was ALL grief and pain. It's taken me over 2 years to be able to focus fully again on ME. I wish it hadn't gone on for so long. I wish I'd given myself a wakeup call after the first 10 pounds went back on, just as you have done here. It's a slippery slope, so PLEASE go back to walking the treadmill and feeding yourself with love(ly) nutritious food whilst it's still only 10 pounds, and not 30, or 50, or more. Weight gained quickly is still only temporary weight, so it should come off quite quickly if you get back on it now.

    I am so so sorry about your BFF. I'm sure I can guess what she would want for you too emoticon emoticon
    35 days ago
    35 days ago
    You have gone through some devastating things and I think that is wise that you will be treating yourself with kindness and taking care of yourself. And I know your best friend would want that for you too. Hugs and love to you!
    35 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/9/2021 9:26:12 PM
    I know you can do it!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    35 days ago
    Take care of yourself.
    35 days ago
    Baby steps for sure. Everyone grieves differently, and I think each individual loss can be grieved differently by the same person. Be patient with yourself. After I lost my brother in 2019, it took a long time... turned different corners at different points. It still hurts acutely at times, but at other times it is a gentle memory, full of love.

    May you find that kinder, gentler treatment of "self"! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    35 days ago
    (((HUGS)))) Yes, sometimes the hardest thing is to be gentle w/ourselves.

    Happy MOther's Day and peace to you.
    35 days ago
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