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A very hard week TW // Parent loss, Death, Hospice care

Saturday, May 29, 2021

It has been an incredibly hard week. My father-in-law is dying.

Late Tuesday we got a call that the husband's father was ill and his Mum was taking him to the emergency room. He has been sick for many years now, with heart troubles, Diabetes, multiple strokes, so a visit to the doctors or hospital wasn't an uncommon thing.

Wednesday morning we were told he had pneumonia and a pretty serious UTI but he had been admitted and was on antibiotics and seemed to be improving.

Wednesday evening the news was grim, his kidneys were in the process of shutting down, his BP was very low and Mum was concerned enough to tell us things were bad. She always trys to protect her family by not telling us everything and sugar coating things, but for her to say its bad, that was serious. She told us that Dad wanted no heroic measures taken. One of Paul's sisters planned to fly out of Maine as soon as possible which was the next morning at 6 am. We all feared that she might arrive too late but Mum seemed to think that Dad would wait for her.

Thursday morning Mum told us Dad was still with her, his BP was improving and he was squeezing her hand. Sis arrived in Florida, and by the time she got to the hospital, the doctors were talking that if Dad continued to improve they might start Dialysis the next day. Then we were told that Dad was on a ventilator.

Thursday evening we were told it was all looking very bad, my husband was able to talk to his Mum, and then she put the phone up to Dad, so Paul could talk to him. Then he had a long talk with his sister.

Friday, it was determined that Dad's kidneys were not working at all, and he was only breathing 1-2 breaths a minute. At that time he was switched to comfort care and then transferred to a hospice facility.

He slept well last night. Mum and Sis were able to get some rest as well. The doctors will be in to see him soon and we will know more then.

It has been a roller-coaster week, much of it spent thinking of Dad, talking about him, and sending him love and strength. It is just a matter of time. I am trying to be as supportive as I can to my husband, girls and extended family all the while grieving myself for a man who treated me so kindly and lovingly. This is bringing up all the feelings of when I lost my parents of course.

My Mom died so very quickly with a massive heart failure after being told the previous week that the discomfort she was feeling was heartburn. My father died after a long battle with cancer in a veterans hospital where comfort care was a semi-private room and constant pain meds.

It's been a horrendously long week, but we are keeping space for Dad. When things get to be too much I go out into my garden, listen to the birds and pray for peace for a man who stepped in when I lost my father and just loved me. The man who raised my husband and taught him to be an honorable man, and who loved my girls. I love you Dad.

~Gina

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEBBY4576
    I could feel your pain while I read this. I'm so sorry. Death is the most painful thing a human can live through. Writing this was a way to share your grief and also a way for us all to know how wonderful a man he is. Hugs and strength to all of the family and especially to your MIL who will live alone now.
    63 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    Oh Gina I am so very sorry.I understand your pain my huisband's fatherrr treated me lovingly too and he has not been gone long.
    64 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    OH Gina, oh hon, I am so very very sorry. As I read your blog, it of course took me back to my own Dads passing. It's natural we go there. Oh definitely the ups an downs for the week, with so much pain behind it. I hope he's able to go quickly for not only his own peace, but all of yours also. He certainly sounds like a very man. My Step Mum was a lovely lady, and I grieved horribly after she was gone. It's okay to take the time for you. Right now taking care of others can be a distraction for you, but in time, you'll hopefully take the time, well of course. MANY hugs Gina.
    64 days ago
  • NOVEMBERGAIL
    Sending my support to you, Gina, during these difficult days. I am happy that you can write a blog to put words to your grieving. Your blog is a sacred gift and allows us to hold you and your loved ones in our hearts. May God's compassion and mercy bring consolation and healing. emoticon
    64 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    He sounds like a really nice man..ya'al are blessed to have had him in your lives. The grief of loss is great when we lose those we love. My deepest sympathy to all. emoticon
    64 days ago
  • LIFECHANGZ
    emoticon emoticon emoticon t&ps emoticon emoticon emoticon
    64 days ago
  • MCFITZ2
    Hugs very gentle hugs. Remember to let yourself grieve with the others. Even a rock can be crushed under pressure.
    64 days ago
  • CHAR46SUE
    emoticon
    64 days ago
  • MOMWANTSNOWAIST
    Gina,
    I am so sorry . Your father in Law sounds like such an honorable man who gave his all for his family . You are honoring him and your husband by being right there ,helping in all you can. I lost my parents many years ago in my childhood, and your words bring to mind ,my father, another honorable man who taught good virtues through his love and care of his family. My mother ,as well, was a loving,kind woman who taught the joy of living to everyone she knew. I miss them both. emoticon emoticon
    64 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/29/2021 1:26:46 PM
  • HARRIET8AL
    emoticon emoticon So sorry to hear about your FIL's struggles. He and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    64 days ago
  • IOWAGRAMMA
    I'm so very sorry, Gina. It's really difficult to grieve yourself while trying to support those around you who are going through the same thing. Clearly your FIL has been (and will continue to be) an important person in your life, as well as your family. What an honor for him to be acknowledged in such a loving and caring way as you have expressed. Sending prayers for peace and comfort, Jeannie emoticon emoticon

    64 days ago
  • PATRICIA-CR
    Gina, I'm so sorry you're grieving tremendously for your losses and for your FIL/Dad's delicate state. We never want to let our beloved people go from this world. You are honoring him by keeping all his goodness and loving actions alive for your dear ones to know.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    64 days ago
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