A very hard week TW // Parent loss, Death, Hospice care
Saturday, May 29, 2021
It has been an incredibly hard week. My father-in-law is dying.
Late Tuesday we got a call that the husband's father was ill and his Mum was taking him to the emergency room. He has been sick for many years now, with heart troubles, Diabetes, multiple strokes, so a visit to the doctors or hospital wasn't an uncommon thing.
Wednesday morning we were told he had pneumonia and a pretty serious UTI but he had been admitted and was on antibiotics and seemed to be improving.
Wednesday evening the news was grim, his kidneys were in the process of shutting down, his BP was very low and Mum was concerned enough to tell us things were bad. She always trys to protect her family by not telling us everything and sugar coating things, but for her to say its bad, that was serious. She told us that Dad wanted no heroic measures taken. One of Paul's sisters planned to fly out of Maine as soon as possible which was the next morning at 6 am. We all feared that she might arrive too late but Mum seemed to think that Dad would wait for her.
Thursday morning Mum told us Dad was still with her, his BP was improving and he was squeezing her hand. Sis arrived in Florida, and by the time she got to the hospital, the doctors were talking that if Dad continued to improve they might start Dialysis the next day. Then we were told that Dad was on a ventilator.
Thursday evening we were told it was all looking very bad, my husband was able to talk to his Mum, and then she put the phone up to Dad, so Paul could talk to him. Then he had a long talk with his sister.
Friday, it was determined that Dad's kidneys were not working at all, and he was only breathing 1-2 breaths a minute. At that time he was switched to comfort care and then transferred to a hospice facility.
He slept well last night. Mum and Sis were able to get some rest as well. The doctors will be in to see him soon and we will know more then.
It has been a roller-coaster week, much of it spent thinking of Dad, talking about him, and sending him love and strength. It is just a matter of time. I am trying to be as supportive as I can to my husband, girls and extended family all the while grieving myself for a man who treated me so kindly and lovingly. This is bringing up all the feelings of when I lost my parents of course.
My Mom died so very quickly with a massive heart failure after being told the previous week that the discomfort she was feeling was heartburn. My father died after a long battle with cancer in a veterans hospital where comfort care was a semi-private room and constant pain meds.
It's been a horrendously long week, but we are keeping space for Dad. When things get to be too much I go out into my garden, listen to the birds and pray for peace for a man who stepped in when I lost my father and just loved me. The man who raised my husband and taught him to be an honorable man, and who loved my girls. I love you Dad.