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Not giving up

Monday, November 05, 2007


So I may have gone a little off the other deep end of this "eating thing" these last couple days but I'm trying to get a grip.
Apparently woman are - according our boss "too emotional" sorry but I've been just as tough as I can possibly manage. but Roger I heard from a former co-worker tonight that said that you told her I was a "Rock Star" at work which means more to me than I can ever explain. Because you are so smart and so very talented. And I know you would tell it like it is. So I will still go to work and I'll still do my best to be the "Rock star" that you said I am baby. And I'll do the very best I can to not let you down.

No matter how hard it is, and no matter how much others might not understand. I'll still do my best to make you proud.

I ate today and I walked today, and I'll work tomorrow, and do my best not to let anyone see me feeling weak, even though I'm not at all good at that part yet. I've learned from you and I'm a better person for having known you.
Just know that I'll never forget you, and just cause I have to try to put on a facade at work. I still know you would want me to to be strong, and this is me trying.
I finally found someone that I would not want to change at all, I used to just tolerate others cause I thought that was what I had to settle for. But I finally found you. And even though it was not nearly long enough I'll cherish the time we had together forever.

Even though I might still be mad at How you left. I'll still always remember what you taught me, like how to live life large, and drink my wine from a beer glass, and not to hold back or be ashamed of who I am, because you never judged me for it. Nor I you, I could just be me. And we could just be us, our twisted selves together. We were just home.
I'm doing my best baby. I love you, I feel you with me, and I'll always do the best that I can.
I have to go now cause when I went to find boss tonight she said that I'm to be you now, and even though I know she just probably just meant to emulate you, and it may have been a white Russian or two talking, you still have left some mighty big shoes to fill.
I'll walk again tomorrow, and yes I'm smoking again, sorry baby but come stop me. I watched our show tonight and our favorite, chef Bech is still in it, I couldn't bring myself to watch the world series but our team won it. Still trying to make you proud baby -
"Your own personal Goddess" - Di

Song I'm listening to today - Hurt, by Christina Aguilera

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room,
I am I and you are you;
Whatever we were to each other, That we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used,
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
It is the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.

-Henry Scott Holland,




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