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ILOVEROSES's Blogs

A woman went to a psychic.
Sunday, May 19, 2019      28 comments

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will be murdered this year.” Visibly shaken, the w... Read more
An elderly couple are driving across the country.
Wednesday, May 15, 2019      26 comments

An elderly couple are travelling across the country. The woman is driving when she gets pulled over by the police. The officer says: “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks: “What di... Read more
A man with severe headaches went to the doctor
Saturday, May 11, 2019      26 comments

A man with severe headaches went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and eventually said: “The good news is I can cure your headaches but the bad news is that you have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the ... Read more
Dealing with criminals.
Wednesday, May 08, 2019      23 comments

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. “You just won’t believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it.” “Oh yes dear, w... Read more
An old lady won big at the races.
Saturday, May 04, 2019      23 comments

A bookie was counting out money for an an old lady who’d won big at the races. “Lady,” he said. “I just don’t understand. How did you manage to pick the winner?” The old lady patted her hair in place and responded: “Really, I don’t kno... Read more
A man went to a bar with his friends.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019      19 comments

A man and wife were on holiday. While the woman was enjoying some relaxation time at the spa, her husband headed off to the local bar where he met up with a number of friends. Throughout the evening for a bit of fun, each of the men stood u... Read more
A man bought his wife a Valentine’s Day present.
Saturday, April 27, 2019      22 comments

A man and his wife were away on a short holiday celebrating Valentine’s Day. The woman woke up with a start one morning. Her husband asked what was wrong. “I just had a dream you gave me a diamond ring and diamond earrings for Valentin... Read more
Two maintenance men were working on a flagpole
Thursday, April 25, 2019      20 comments

Two maintenance men were standing at the base of a flagpole looking up. A woman walked by and asked them what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” one of the men said. “But we don’t have a ladder.” The ... Read more
A man walks into a bar and orders a few drinks
Tuesday, April 23, 2019      21 comments

A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8. “But I already paid you. Don’t you remember?” asks the customer. “OK,” says the bartender. “If you say you paid, then I suppo... Read more
A man arrives at the Mexican border on his bicycle
Saturday, April 20, 2019      18 comments

A man comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says: “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answers the man. The guard says: “We’ll just see about that, get off the bi... Read more
Two men are drinking beer and fishing.
Wednesday, April 17, 2019      25 comments

Two men are quietly sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer. Suddenly one of the men pipes up and says: “You know, I think I’m going to divorce my wife.” “Why’s that?” the other asked. “Well, she hasn’t spoken to me in over two who... Read more
The Pope's golf challenge
Monday, April 15, 2019      27 comments

The Pope and his Cardinals met to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. “Your Holiness", said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Netanyahu has challenged you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spi... Read more
Little Johnny was arguing with his friend.
Tuesday, April 02, 2019      32 comments

Little Johnny and his friend argued about whose grandpa was better. “My grandpa doesn’t need a walking stick,” Little Johnny boasted. “Yeah well my grandpa can still drive,” his friend replied. “Oh yeah?” Little Johnny said as he ... Read more
He said.... She said..
Saturday, March 30, 2019      25 comments

He said to me...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him...Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said to me...How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him...I... Read more
An old woman was speeding.
Friday, March 29, 2019      29 comments

An old woman was speeding along a highway. She passed a police officer who looked into her car and was shocked to see she was knitting. He switched on his sirens and chased after the woman but after a while, he realised she was oblivio... Read more

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